


These Words You Don't Hear

by ohhello



Series: These Words You Don't Hear and Companion Fics [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Captain Yamaguchi Tadashi, Chatting & Messaging, Childhood Friends, Confessions, First Kiss, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Future Fic, Getting Together, Kissing, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Misunderstandings, Moving In Together, Mutual Pining, Resolved Romantic Tension, Resolved Sexual Tension, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, third year karasuno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-08-24 07:34:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8363374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohhello/pseuds/ohhello
Summary: Tadashi is convinced entering into his third year at Karasuno means that he is one year closer to losing what he holds most dear: his team, his friends, and most importantly his daily moments with Kei. While Tadashi wrestles with his fear of lasts, Kei struggles with how to offer him firsts.





	1. Holding on to What We Always Do

**Author's Note:**

> The moon and I,  
> I and the moon.  
> Now he is full and now he starts to fade away.  
> Does he have anything to do with my grief, my mourning, tears and maybe even my troubles?
> 
> -Saigo

 

_You can do this._

“You can do this,” Tadashi repeats to his reflection. He presses both hands into the cold outside lip of the bathroom sink, rocking forward to peer into the mirror, and slowly swivels his head from side to side. He’s spent a god-awful amount of time trying to pull his hair back into a ponytail. He’s positive that he has seen girls in his class whip one out in three seconds flat. His first few tries had lumps and bumps, but he’s finally wrangled his hair into a semi-smooth half ponytail. Strands are already falling around his face, but he won’t spend another second on this, hair bands be damned.

“Okay.” He readjusts his balance on the sink, accidently bringing the heel of his right hand down on an open toothpaste container. Bright pink paste explodes out, trying its hardest to decimate his gakuran sleeve. _Not today toothpaste! Not today._

 

* * *

 

Tadashi stands in his bedroom door for a moment before reaching out to switch off the light. His fingers hover over the plate and he switches it on again; he’s wasting time. He had woken up at 5am this morning, vibrating with a cold, nervous energy. Today is the first day of his third year at Karasuno, and somehow that weight is sitting more heavily than the terrified excitement he had felt entering as a first year. _That's because this year matters more._ Well, it matters in a different way.

He flicks the bedroom light off with finality and grabs his book bag and his gym bag from the hallway floor. The team will be getting completely new uniforms this year. New uniform, new number.

The smell of coffee lures him into the kitchen, and Tadashi finds his mom sitting at the table, wrapped in a bathrobe with her hands cupped around a large mug. He kisses her cheek as she yawns. She’s tiny; sometimes it feels like she’s half his size. His height still surprises him at moments like this. When did he grow so much? He mentally calculates the scientific probability of his younger self growing by sheer willpower just to catch up with Kei.

“Tadashi, if I had known you were going to be up so early I would have had breakfast ready. I thought you weren’t doing morning practice before the ceremony.”

“We aren’t. I couldn’t stay asleep.”

“Ah, well. What is it...early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise?” She smiles up at him and motions for him to sit by her as she blows the steam away from her mug.

“I think I only have the early to rise part down.” He grabs a mug from the cupboard and fills it halfway with cream and adds a touch of coffee. “Does that mean I can only be one?”

She tips her head back and looks thoughtful for a second. “Mmmmm. I think my son can be anything thing he wants, but how about ‘well-fed’ for now? Want anything special? Celebratory pancakes?”

Tadashi almost says yes to the pancakes, but feels compelled not to trouble her with complicated breakfasts. “Just eggs and natto is fine.”

“Such an old man, Tadashi. Would you like a newspaper with breakfast?” she teases, and pinches his cheek. He waves her off with a flick of his hand and the grumpiest old man noise he can muster.

A knock on the door surprises them both. No one ever comes over this early. Maybe it’s one of the neighbors.

Tadashi slides out of his chair. “I’ll get it.”

 

* * *

 

“Good morning, Captain,” comes from a scarf-clad figure filling up the doorway.

Tadashi does NOT think about what just came out of Kei’s mouth. “Tsukki, what? It’s 6:30am...what are you doing here?”

He’s surprised not only because of the time but because Kei never meets him at his house in the morning. Tadashi can expect him to be leaning against the same spot on the cement wall, eyes closed, headphones on, hands in his pocket. Every day Tadashi greets him, “Good morning, Tsukki!”, the headphones come off, and they walk to school. Clockwork.

Realizing that he still hasn’t received an answer from his friend, Tadashi cocks his head at a blank looking Kei. “Tsukki?”

Kei’s mouth hangs open for a split second before he slides his attention fully to Tadashi’s question with a less than intelligent sounding, “Wha?”

“What are you doing here?” It sounds like a double question, Tadashi’s voice raising as if he doesn’t know what he’s asking.

“I didn’t have anything better to do,” Kei offers, skating around Tadashi, already slipping his shoes off. “And I’m hungry.”

Tadashi’s brain doesn’t catch up with the reply until he hears a soft “Pardon the intrusion” coming from the kitchen and then his mother cooing, “Kei-kun! What a lovely surprise.” He lets the front door swing shut, shaking his head. _What a lovely surprise indeed._

 

* * *

 

“This is it! Our last first day of school. Our last ‘first day of school’ walk.” Tadashi stretches his arms over his head and watches his words crystalize in the cold morning air.

“We have 240 more walks to school this year, Yamaguchi.”

“Yeah, but- this is like, special. We aren’t going to do this again on the first day of the year. It’s _The Last_.”

Kei hums and sticks his hands further into his pants pockets.

Truly, Kei is right, this is like any other walk to school. Tadashi talks and Kei offers snarky asides. They stop once for Kei to snap a photo of a discarded, bashed in doll with flaming orange hair. Kei immediately sends the photo to Hinata with a single line of text, “You”, attached. He promptly turns his phone on silent in anticipation of chaos.

The school is unusually busy for such an early hour. A few third-year students, probably with the student council, are bustling around the grounds, carrying flyers or setting up last-minute directional signage. Teachers are grouped together, preparing themselves for the onslaught of new students and their parents.

Kei and Tadashi slip past the activity and make their way toward their gym. Thank god it’s not the one being used for the entrance ceremony.

“Are you going to wear your hair like that now?”

Tadashi’s hand flies to his ponytail. He had already forgotten about the new style. “Oh, yeah. I kinda...like it this way.” _Do you?_

Kei mumbles something as he bends down to slip off his shoes before entering the gym. _I can’t hear you, Tsukki._

The sharp thwack of a volleyball and a loud squawk alerts them that they weren’t the only ones with the same idea that morning. Kageyama and Hinata have commandeered a section of the empty gym, already in a vicious, netless battle of toss and spike. Yachi notices Kei and Tadashi and waves animatedly at them from her perch on the stage.

“Tadashi! Tsukishima-kun!”

 

* * *

 

“Oh! I like your hair!” Yachi reaches up, and Tadashi bends down to let her pat both sides of his head. “Are you going to keep it like this?”

“I think so. I don’t really want to cut it, and the band keeps it out of the way. I don’t look like a delinquent, though, do I?” Tadashi worries his bottom lip.

“I don’t think so,” Yachi replies, just as serious. She glances expectantly at Kei, as if he alone holds the answers to delinquent fashion trends. Kei chooses to ignore the unspoken question by readjusting his glasses and walking over to join Kageyama and Hinata.

“I think he likes it,” Yachi whispers loud enough for Kei to hear. She gives Tadashi a final pat and beams. “Unanimously approved...not delinquent.”

Tadashi blushes slightly and straightens himself back up. Kageyama and Kei have begun setting to each other in a giant's form of keep-away, Hinata crowing as he jumps between them, trying to block the ball.

The whole thing is heartwarming, to be honest. Two years ago if you had told Tadashi that Kei and Kageyama would somehow find it within their hearts to play as a unit (even if it was for the sake of teaming up on Hinata) he would have point blank asked you if you needed an AED.

“I wonder who the first years will be?”

Hinata jumps straight up. “I hope they will be two meters tall!”

“A first year who’s two meters tall?” Kei raises an eyebrow.

“You never know,” Hinata argues, unwaveringly optimistic.

Tadashi turns his attention away from the three boys and leans back onto the stage. Yachi is chirping to him about her new recruitment posters and her plans for the upcoming week’s recruitment hell.

Some days he wonders if Yachi wouldn’t be better suited for student council. She made top of her class last year - top of their grade. “Manager of a volleyball team” probably wouldn’t look as good as “club president” or “student council elect”, even if the Karasuno volleyball club _was_ national level. _But then she wouldn't be my friend. Our friend._

He lets the notion that he hasn’t seen her actively out and doing things with other girls from school get stuffed in the back of his mind. He doesn’t want to think about the club being the reason she didn’t have girl friends.

His chest tightens for the umpteenth time that day and he mentally reminds himself to be extra nice to her this year. Maybe he could buy her some cute pens. Or a notebook. He doesn’t think he is brave enough to shop for barrettes.

Suddenly, he is acutely aware that Kei is watching him. Tadashi blushes, embarrassed that he was just staring at Yachi with a stupid look on his face.

 

* * *

 

 

The entrance ceremony itself was- actually, he can’t remember much from it. He was too busy eying up every first-year student in the rows ahead of him. Maybe the one sitting in front, with the spiky hair? He looked tall. Actually, all of them looked 10. Why did they all look 10?

The rest of the day seems like one big roadblock to get to where he wants to be, in the gym with Takeda-sensei and Ukai-san, prepping for the coming week. His and Kei’s homeroom teacher manages to take an infinite number of years to talk about the upcoming year. Passing out the new textbooks - centuries. The one highlight of the day is that the new seating arrangement places him right next to Kei. It’s the first time in all of highschool; usually they’re a row apart or a few seats ahead or behind each other. _I’m more excited than I should be about this._

The girl assigned to the seat in front of him turns around and startles him by gushing, “I’m excited to sit by you, Yamaguchi-kun, we should pair up for study times.”

“Uh, yeah,” is all he can choke out around his surprise. He tells himself the girl means “I’m excited to sit so close to Tsukishima-san and I will, of course, be bothering you about him all year.”

Finally, the day ends. Parents leave, classrooms are swept, and the last few announcement flyers find a home in the bins. Tadashi is still vibrating energy, enough that Kei tells him he feels tired just watching him.

Takeda-sensei gives him a copy of both the gym and the clubroom keys, lecturing him about responsibility and no after-hours shenanigans in a stern tone that doesn’t reach his eyes. Tadashi suspects the “after-hours shenanigans” allude more to overexerting himself with late night practice than actual bad behavior. Takeda-sensei laughs when he says as much out loud. He leaves Tadashi with instructions to round up the other third years and meet Ukai-san for a list of clubroom cleanup to-dos.

 

* * *

 

“What the f---uck...” the last syllable strains out of Tadashi as he stretches, trying to grab at a box on top of the equipment shelf that had lodged itself at the _furthest fucking point it could have_. Just an inch shy, dammit.

He feels heat on his back as a body stretches up behind him and a hand reaches over the shelf, brushing his.

“Do I need to start calling you chibi-chan now?” The voice is deep but laced with amusement, close and warm, right by his ear. It makes Tadashi's brain stutter.

He turns up his nose and huffs, “I am 183 centimeters, you Giant Noodle.” He wants to be miffed at the comment, but all he can feel is the press of a chest against his back. _Back up,Tsukki! Save yourself, I’m going to explode!_

Kei snorts and drops a hand down momentarily to tug his ponytail. “Delinquent.”

Before Tadashi can round on him, Kei grabs the box and holds it out. “Where do you want these?”

“I...um. Ukai-san said the baseball club wanted them. I was going to drop it by their clubroom.”

Kei tucks the box under his arm and walks out of the room, unexpectedly helpful.

Tadashi looks down and brushes off the dust that has attached itself to his front, taking a moment to process what happened. A flash of orange movement to his left catches his attention, and he looks up to see Hinata grinning at him. A demon grin, the kind of grin Kageyama plasters on when he’s trying to smile on command. It’s scarier coming from the redhead.

Tadashi opens his mouth to ask what’s wrong, but Hinata turns around and takes a running leap at Kageyama’s back as he shouts, “Meat buns!”

“Don’t jump on me, dumbass!” Kageyama pitches forward under the weight of Hinata, but doesn’t actually seem to mind too much. He tucks his arms around Hinata’s knees and hikes him up into a more comfortable position.

 

* * *

 

Yachi herds them all to the Sakanoshita store, and Ukai-san generously gives them free buns, stating gruffly that this is the only time he will do this, which is exactly the same thing he threatened the last time he treated them. They thank Ukai-san for the food and start off toward the nearest house of the group. Hinata is wheeling his bike in laps around all of them, periodically doing something to goad Kageyama into yelling out his go-to insults of “Bakanata!” or “Dumbass!”.

“Our last year all being together...” Tadashi lets his head fall back and speaks to the sky as he, Yachi and Kei trail behind the other two.

“Yamaguchi is obsessed with lasts right now.” Kei rolls his eyes.

“What!? I’m not obsessed. One more year and then high school is almost over and then it’s like...adult things.” Tadashi waves his arms around pathetically. “Come on. Even Akiteru-kun’s told us it’s all downhill after high school.”

“I’m pretty sure he was being facetious.”

Yachi frowns and grabs the sides of her head. “I hadn’t really thought about that,” she howls, overly dramatic. “My youth is over!!!”

Hinata wheels around. “What’s that!?”

Yachi moans. “Tadashi was saying this is the end of it all. The last of everything. Our final year. It’s sad.”

Hinata seems to consider this for only a second before he shakes his head wildly. “No way! This year is going to be the best. We’re all together. Kageyama and I are…” he stumbles over his words momentarily, “...perfecting our new play. This year I’ll grow 5 inches!”

“Haven’t you been saying that the last two years?”

“I’m sorry...I don’t see pigs flying,” Kei snarks, a hand coming up to cover his smirk.

Tadashi snickers as Hinata rounds on Kei, kicking at his knees, yelling out, “I read that tall people are terrible in bed! Howabout that?”

Kageyama turns around, making a face like he just ate sour candies. “What the hell have you been reading?”

“I sleep just fine, thank you,” Kei deadpans.

Tadashi is laughing and Yachi looks like she’s just thought of something new and horrible as she eyes up Kei. Shaking her head, she grabs Hinata’s hand and says, “This will be the year we BOTH grow 5 inches!” They high five and Tadashi imagines a giant Hinata and a giant Yachi. Terrifying.

“We’re all sticking with it, right?” The question comes from Kageyama. It’s probably the single most vulnerable thing Tadashi has ever heard emitted from the kid, and probably the last time he would ever hear something so sentimental.

“I AM!” Hinata beams and smacks Kageyama on the back. “We have Nationals to win...our kohai need their senpai.” Kei groans.

“Me too,” Yachi says brightly. “I...my mom brought it up a while ago. Asking if I was going to carry it out till the end.” She clenches her hand into a fist and pumps it into the air. “I just have to find the next manager.”

Kei is staring at Tadashi, looking almost expectant, nervous...insecure. Tadashi wavers - he isn’t used to his friend not voicing his opinion quickly and decisively. _What are you waiting for, Tsukki?_

“Of course I’ll stay,” Tadashi says, grinning. “I haven’t been working on these guns for nothing.” He flexes his right arm and makes a serve motion. Kei looks absolutely affronted.

Hinata lets out a disgusting snort and Yachi clutches her stomach in laughter. “Oh my god! That’s the least ‘Tadashi’ thing I think I have ever heard you say.”

Hinata leans over his bike. “Howabout it, Tsukishima?”

Kei sighs like he’s been saddled with the worst sort of responsibility. “I’m staying. Just to make sure you two don’t make asses of the whole team.”

 

* * *

 

It’s still cold in Miyagi, April barely holding on to what could be called spring weather. Tadashi is regretting forgetting his gloves at Sakanoshita. He cups his hands over his mouth and blows hot air into them. It burns.

“Do you want to wear my gloves?”

Tadashi starts a bit, the gesture surprising him. _Can I hold your hand instead?_

Kei starts to take them off. “I’ll be good for a bit.” He holds them out and Tadashi stares at them before he takes the pair, not even bothering to refuse for politeness’ sake. Their hands brush and his stomach lurches as it always does these days when they touch.

The gloves are warm, but it’s nothing in comparison to the heat in his cheeks. Tadashi can’t stand it. He feels like after all these years, Kei’s acts of friendship shouldn’t get to him like this. His ribcage should contain his heart better, his lungs shouldn’t feel so tiny, and his brain certainly should be able to process more than mental static. He tells himself to get a grip, so he does what he does best: talks. He talks about the vice principle’s new wig, he talks about Yachi’s recruitment posters, and how girls can do ponytails _just like that_. He talks about the new first-year potentials and what kind of volleyball shoes he should get next. Tonight, Kei talks back.

They bump shoulders as they walk. Tadashi loves it. He will count down 240 school days until this doesn’t happen anymore. He will mourn the loss of every single one.

And then they’re at their corner.

“I’m walking this way, Tsukki.” He doesn’t know why he says this anymore. It’s been years, of course Kei knows where he’s going. Tadashi could probably be used as the poster child for classical conditioning.

“See you tomorrow, Yamaguchi.” Kei’s head is turned, but Tadashi can still see the hint of an upturned smile as he slides his headphones into place. “Happy last first day.”

Tadashi beams.

 

* * *

 

“Welcome to the Karasuno volleyball club.“ He’s practiced this line so many times over the last few weeks. Thank the gods that he has outgrown the cracking voice of puberty.

The excited din of young voices dies out as Tadashi raises his. Seven new potentials, plus the five second years and four third years. It’s too many people to stand in the box; Karasuno will be cheering from the stands again this year. _Holy shit, can I do this?_

He wishes Ennoshita-san was still here, calm and assured in a way teenagers rarely are. He regrets that Tanaka-senpai and Nishinoya-senpai won’t be the ones harassing the new recruits after the introduction. Even so, he can feel the presence of the third years pressing behind him. Takeda-sensei and Ukai-san are watching him with confidence, and he can just make out the looming form of Kei on his right, arms crossed, standing at his full height. He can do this.

He steps forward.

_  
“I’m the team captain, Yamaguchi Tadashi.”_


	2. Centimeters Between Hold Continents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mathematically there just isn’t room for you, me, AND my giant crush, Tsukki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kudos! It means so much to me to see people enjoying this fic! I can't wait to write more for your guys.
> 
> Huge shout-out and eternal thanks to my wonderful beta reader/editor extraordinaire,[bananasloth](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bananasloth), she also has a wonderful Tsukkiyama fic here on AO3! Please go read it. :D

“One touch!”

“Get it!”

Enthusiastic yells come from the opposite side of the net as the other team tries to rally against Karasuno. They are halfway through their second practice match against Aoba Johsai, and Tadashi is confident they can take this set.

As a third year, practice matches seem so much different to Tadashi than what he remembers from his first year. Daunting inexperience, coupled with the fear of embarrassment had crippled his ability before. Now, he has the confidence of years of practice behind him, and even the prospect of failure doesn’t phase him. Not that they are failing now.

Tadashi has worked his ass off for the last two years perfecting his serves. Currently, he has two main strengths going for him: his jump float serve, which has become notorious in its own right, and now, a better than average jump serve. He knows he’s not nearly as powerful as Oikawa Tooru was, but he’s able to compensate with absolute control and accuracy in his service aim - he can easily target weak receivers, or better yet, break up intended plays.

At this particular moment, he knows exactly who he’ll serve to. As he gets in position, he sees Kei glance at him, and their eyes meet for a fraction of a second. Kei smirks. He’s been glued to Seijou’s wing spiker the entire match, shutting him out again and again. It’s easy to tell Kei is fired up, considering his last play involved purposely dumping the ball on the player’s head. Tadashi already knows exactly how Kei wants this to play out.

The whistle blows. He tosses the ball and takes a running jump, his right hand connecting to the ball with a satisfying thud. It whizzes over the net into the off-balance receive of a surprised setter. The other team fumbles to patch up the play, and the wing spiker attempts to get the ball over the net, but Kei is already there, reaching the height of the spike with his perfectly timed read block, causing the ball to rebound and fall onto Seijou’s court. The perfect serve-and-block combo. Kei is still glaring down the spiker, who looks like he’s about to give Kei a piece of his mind. _Making friends, Tsukki?_

In the end, Tadashi’s serves win them six points in a row, making Karasuno victorious after the second set. Tadashi sees the defeat and confusion of a team that isn’t used to defensive battles. Aoba Johsai still attracts strong players, but in their current rotation, Karasuno is definitely setting the bar higher than expected.

Tadashi drags a towel down his face and watches the first years as they rev up to do a match of their own. This is the new players’ first practice match, and honestly, Tadashi can’t tell the difference between these kids and chickens running around with their heads cut off. He gives one of them a smile and a supportive nod as they run by.

Tadashi turns as Hinata thrusts a water bottle into his side. He takes it and pops the top up. “Tsukki was pretty fired up today.”

“Duh!” Hinata laughs and slaps Tadashi on the back. “Pettyshima’s life goal is proving people wrong.”

“Huh?” Tadashi watches Hinata pick up a stray volleyball that has rolled to his feet.

“Oh, um. Tsukishima and I were in the bathroom before, and that wing spiker and a couple first years came in and started saying it was weird that Karasuno’s captain wasn’t always a regular starter.” Hinata bounces the volleyball against the floor and adds, almost to himself, “He looked like he wanted to destroy them.”

“Oh.”

Hinata grins up at him. “I don’t think they’ll ever say that again. They probably wish you hadn’t stepped on the court at all now, anyway!”

“In their defense, it _is_ a little strange that the captain isn’t always in the starting line-up.”

It’s true; few teams have captains who aren’t regular starters. At times Tadashi is chosen for the starting line-up as a side-hitter, but benching him is a game strategy devised by Ukai-san that plays directly to his strengths. It’s easier for him to assess the weaknesses in opposing players from off the court.

Hinata levels a gaze at him, a terrifying glint in his eye. “But that doesn’t matter, right? You’re still our captain because we know you’re there to back us up. You give us the chance to score points.” He tilts his head. “Isn’t that what a captain does? Whether you’re in the box or on the starting line-up, you’re our paragon, Yamaguchi!”

“Where did you learn the word ‘paragon’?” Tadashi teases, deflecting the praise. Hinata’s never been one to shy away from saying embarrassing emotional things, it’s just that Tadashi isn’t usually on the receiving end of it.

Hinata is indignant. “If I wanted to be insulted, I could've just gone over to Tsukishima!”

 

* * *

 

The next week finds Kei home sick and Tadashi suffering from the lack of his company. He keeps catching himself turning to smirk at Kei when something happens in class, but he’s met with an empty desk, and no one is there to save him when the girl seated in front of him finally gets her chance to make good on her threat from the first day of school.

Their teacher grants them a free study period and she wastes no time turning her desk around to face his. Strangely, her friend also pulls up a chair to their joined desks, and Tadashi enters the twilight zone for the remainder of their study time. They don’t question him about Kei even once, which is odd. They want to know things like what being a captain is like and what his hobbies are. They ask what his favorite kinds of sweets are and he says strawberry shortcake without thinking. _Oh wait, that’s Tsukki’s favorite, not mine._ Or maybe it’s his favorite now because it’s Kei’s favorite - semantics.

At lunch Tadashi goes to Hinata and Kageyama’s classroom only to find their desks empty. A boy that Tadashi has seen Hinata with before tells him that the two left as soon as the bell rang, but he doesn’t know where they went.

He texts Yachi asking if she wants to eat lunch with him and she sends him back a thumbs up emoji, saying to meet her at the usual place.

He’s already settled on a bench under the large maple tree by the time Yachi comes tripping out to meet him.

“Hi, Tadashi! Sorry, were you waiting long?” She swings her legs over the bench, feet not quite touching the ground, and sets a notebook between them. It’s opened to a list of handwritten names with smiles or frowns next to each one and another line or so of text.

“Nopht lohgn,” he muffles out around a mouthful of yakisoba bread. “Wafs thaht?”

Yachi gives him a disappointed look and taps the notebook. “It’s a list of manager potentials. I can’t believe there’s been so many interested. I almost wish I was in the same boat as Shimizu-senpai had been.”

“Are the names with frowny faces ones that you don’t like?”

Yachi looks up at him thoughtfully. “A couple of them only seem interested in it because of Tsukishima-kun.”

Tadashi nods. Understandable, really - _who wouldn’t be interested in Kei._

“It’s not just Tsukishima-kun, though. The whole team’s popular with the girls,” she admits, looking slightly beleaguered. “It was pretty easy to weed out the ones that didn’t seem sincere.”

She points to a name at the bottom, highlighted in purple with a smiley face next to it. _Kimura Saori._ Yachi tells him of what she knows about the girl so far. She used to be a volleyball player in middle school, but hasn’t pursued it at Karasuno due to a previous injury. They agree that Yachi should introduce Saori to the team on Friday.

“How’s Tsukishima-kun? Have you texted him at all?”

“I texted him this morning. I think he’s been sleeping most of the day.”

“Let’s take a get-well picture and send it to him!” Yachi takes out her phone and scoots closer to Tadashi so they can both get in the frame. She ends up having to sit on her knees to be able to match his sitting height.

She cups her hand into a half heart and motions for Tadashi to complete the shape with his own. He feels a little giddy sending a heart to Kei, even though he knows Kei will take one look at the photo and scoff.

The photo is sent from Yachi’s phone, along with a string of heart emojis, a crying face, and a line of text that says, “We miss you! Get well soon!”

 

* * *

 

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [4:30PM]**
> 
> *1 image attached*
> 
> Look at this beetle!
> 
> It has a mustache 

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi** **[7:50PM]**
> 
> I’m on my way over to drop off your homework
> 
> Sorry!!!!!!!!
> 
> Practice got out late.

 

 

> **Tsukishima Kei** **[8:05PM]**
> 
> Please do me a favor and lose the homework on your way over

 

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi** **[8:05PM]**
> 
> I suffered in school all day.
> 
> SUFFERED
> 
> You don’t get to get out of homework. (¬_¬)

 

 

> **Tsukishima Kei** **[8:06PM]**
> 
> Having a cold is the definition of suffering.

 

Tadashi types out “The definition of suffering is spending an entire day without you **”** before deleting the text and replacing it with an eye roll emoji.

  

 

> **Tsukishima Kei** **[8:08PM]**
> 
> Did you and Yachi have a good lunch?

 

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [8:08PM]**
> 
> Did you get our picture!?

 

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [8:09PM]**
> 
> Yes

 

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [8:09PM]**
> 
> Yay! \ (•◡•) /
> 
> It was just me and her. I’m not sure where Hinata and Kageyama were.
> 
> They disappeared today.

 

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [8:09PM]**
> 
> Do we want to know?

 

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [8:10PM]**
> 
> Probs not :P

 

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [8:11PM]**
> 
> 5 minutes away.
> 
> You’d better be in bed looking near death for me to be convinced you actually suffered today.

 

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [8:13PM]**
> 
> Tsukki!!!!!!
> 
> (ง'̀-'́)ง

 

* * *

 

The Tsukishima residence has slowly become the unofficial hangout for the third years when they aren’t spending time at the gym, Sakanoshita, or a family restaurant. Tadashi knows Kei will never _ever_ admit to being okay with it. Which he is.

Exams are looming in the not-so-distant future, which is why they are currently piled around Kei’s bedroom table, open textbooks and crumpled papers littering the room. It seems almost criminal that they still have to worry about taking exams after Spring High. Morning and afternoon practices are taking a toll on their studies, and even Kageyama and Hinata are smart enough to buck up and strive for passing grades in case they would ever be in the position not to play due to extra lessons.

Yachi already left some time before, being the only one of the group who had to go home early. The unfortunate side-effect of being the only girl in their friend group.

Hinata throws his arms out across the table, whining dramatically. “My brain is like BLERGH! I can’t do it anymore.”

Kageyama has a glazed over look in his eyes - Tadashi fears he has finally stuffed so much non-volleyball-related knowledge into his brain that his consciousness has ceased to exist.

Kei sighs and takes off his glasses to rub at his temples, long fingers grinding into the sides of his head. He looks at Tadashi, unseeing, and squints.

“You good, Tsukki?”

Kei stands up with a groan, joints cracking. “Fuck.”

“Not so good, then…”

“I just need to stretch.”

Tadashi watches as Kei stretches and walks toward his bedroom door. _Stop staring, Tadashi!_ The only thing stopping him from banging his head on the table is the fact that Kageyama and Hinata are sitting not a meter from him.

 

* * *

 

Kei comes back balancing four containers of pudding and a fistful of spoons. “My mom says goodnight.”

Tadashi smiles. Kei’s mother is very enthusiastic about him having friends over - she continuously goes out of her way to provide snacks and encouraging words during every study session, much to the disapproval of her son who splutters and waves her off every time she pokes her head in.

“Can we be done?” Kageyama grumbles, head resting on the table.

Kei doesn’t answer, but starts to clear the table of his study materials, indicating his approval of the question. Tadashi hops up and grabs his bag, heading off to the bathroom to change into his pyjamas. When he returns, Kageyama and Hinata are in a heated debate about their movie choices.

“Action.”

“No way! Something scary!” Hinata whines, shaking Kageyama by the arm.

“You never watch it, idiot! You always end up hurting me!”

“I do NOT!”

Kei is scrolling through movies on his laptop. “If we can’t agree, I’m going to put on a documentary.”

“A _dinosaur_ documentary, Tsukki?” Tadashi asks slyly, feigning innocence. Kei gives him a deadpan stare over his glasses. The two other boys still don’t know about Kei’s secret love of dinosaurs. It doesn’t help that Kei stuffs his figurines into the back of his closet every time they come over. Tadashi has tried to assure him on multiple occasions that the two wouldn’t even care.

 

* * *

 

They settle on a horror movie in the end, Hinata promising he won't freak out. He does. Tadashi is more amused with watching Hinata and Kageyama than with the movie itself. The two are seated on a futon pulled up next to the bed, their backs pressed up against the side board with their shoulders overlapping. Hinata spends a good amount of time with his face buried into Kageyama’s neck, cringing at every jump scare that pops up on the screen. He also provides the room with running commentary, yelling at the characters to watch out, and Kei keeps telling him to shut up.

Tadashi frowns as he observes them; Hinata and Kageyama have been friends for not even a fraction of the time he and Kei have known each other. How could they be so physically close when there seemed to be room for continents in the scant centimeters between Kei and himself? What would it be like to be so carefree? Tadashi is tempted to see what Kei would do if he overlapped their shoulders too. He wonders what he’d do if Tadashi grabbed the hands that were wrapped around Kei’s knees and interlaced their fingers, or if he buried his face in Kei’s shoulder. _Let me touch you._

Kei is looking at him, the faintest glimmer of concern on his face. Tadashi grins at him, wrapping his arms around the pillow in his lap and wedging it under his chin.

By the time they start the second movie, everyone is already mellow and sleepy. Hinata and Kageyama are murmuring to each other, laughing over some unheard joke. Kei is scrolling through a feed on his phone with half interest and Tadashi is almost over the edge of sleep.

He jolts awake a little while later. The room is quiet and dark, the only light a soft glow from the laptop screen. He shifts on the bed, his movement waking up Kei, who blearily checks his phone for the time.

Tadashi doesn’t think he’ll be able to roll out the other futon without moving the table and consequently waking up everyone in the room. Kei seems to sense his uncertainty and reaches out, catching the edge of Tadashi’s t-shirt.

“Just sleep with me,” Kei murmurs.

Tadashi’s stomach clenches. Sometime in the middle of their second year, when his crush had become too overwhelming to bear, he had stopped sleeping in the same bed as Kei, under the pretense of his friend being 190 centimeters and taking up too much of the twin bed. _Mathematically there just isn’t room for you, me, AND my giant crush, Tsukki._ Technically, there was room if they slept plastered together.

Which, apparently, Kei is fine with.

Tadashi swallows. He’s been actively avoiding this for months, but he’s exhausted, and Kei looks like he’s barely conscious. “Okay,” he whispers.

He could still walk into Akiteru-kun’s empty room and sleep there.

Tadashi looks over the bed at the sleeping duo. Kageyama’s frowning, eyebrows scrunched up painfully tight. Hinata already has an elbow jabbed into his side and his head is at an odd angle away from him. He is going to regret that sleeping position. Tadashi pulls a blanket from the end of the bed and throws it over them.

He slides under the covers. Kei is cold, but the heat Tadashi is feeling from their proximity alone is burning him up. All of a sudden he is wide awake.

“Don’t fall asleep with your glasses on, Tsukki.”

Kei grunts and pulls his glasses off, handing them to Tadashi, who deposits them on the bedside table. Tadashi settles into the bed, body facing away from Kei, who is curled toward the wall. He takes in the sounds of a house in the early hours of the morning, a low din of undefinable noise. Kei’s breathing evens out, and when Tadashi is absolutely sure that Kei is asleep, he lets his body relax backwards. Kei’s back feels solid and warm pressing against him, an infinite expanse of familiarity. _Why did I stop letting us do this?_ Would Kei notice if he started “forgetting” to drag the extra futon out or wandering into Akiteru-kun’s room to sleep? Tadashi mentally berates himself for allowing moments like this to go to waste.

The looming expiration date of these nights is suffocating him.

 

* * *

 

Tadashi wakes up alone, wrapped around a pillow, in the dead center of the twin bed. He sits up, his head swimming a bit. He has no idea what time it is, but the sun is shining brightly in through the window. He hears the bounding footfalls of someone running toward the room, and the door bursts open.

“Oh, good! You’re awake! Tsukishima-san made pancakes!” Hinata yells in a volume completely unacceptable to Tadashi’s not-yet-awake ears.

“Pancakes,” he repeats dumbly.

Hinata is already running back down the hall when Tadashi hears him call back. “Pancakes!”

He rubs at his eyes, and everything from the night before comes rushing back. He’d wanted to wake up before Kei, dammit. He wonders if he had drooled on him. _Please don’t let me have drooled on him._

When he finally finds his way downstairs, Kei’s father is sitting on the couch, half reading emails on his tablet, half watching the news, and Kei’s mother is in the kitchen frying up the last of the pancakes. His friends are seated at the kitchen table, Hinata swinging his legs and Kageyama looking pleased about something. Kei is leaning on one elbow and sporting a fantastic amount of bedhead. _So cute!_

“Can I help with anything, Obasan?” Tadashi asks, eyeing up the bowls littering the kitchen counter.

“Nope, no! I didn’t let anyone else help. Breakfast is almost ready! Just go join the others.” Kei’s mom waves a hand at him, smiling. She reaches out and pats his cheek. “Thanks for asking though, Tadashi-kun.”

He warms at her touch and smiles. Tadashi loves Kei’s mom. Ten-year-old Tadashi had thought she was the most beautiful person in the world the first time he’d met her, apron-clad and tutting with happiness over her son’s new friend. Seventeen-year-old Tadashi would amend that her youngest son is actually the most beautiful person in the world, but he can’t count that against her.

He takes a seat next to Kei, and Hinata grabs his arm from across the table. “We got the best picture of you!”

“EHHHH!?”

Kei sighs and puts his head in his hands. “The worst.”

Hinata is waving his phone in front of him, and Tadashi has to grab his wrist just to be able to see the photo. He definitely drooled on Kei. There’s the proof, digitally immortalized. Somehow during the night he had scooted down the bed enough that both of his arms were around Kei’s waist, one knee hiked over his thigh and a large wet spot spreading out from Tadashi’s mouth onto Kei’s shirt. Kei’s left arm had gotten pushed up by his head, while the other was plastered to the wall.

“Oh god,” Tadashi wails. “I’m SO sorry.”

Hinata is slapping his free hand on the table and even Kageyama looks amused. Kei’s father is hiding behind his tablet, trying his best to suppress his laughter over Tadashi’s embarrassment.

“You have the worst sleeping habits, Yamaguchi.”

Kei’s mom sets the plate of pancakes between them and leans over to look at the photo. “Oh, that’s cute,” she says, smiling. “You haven’t changed a bit since you were little, Tadashi.”

Tadashi brings his forehead to the table and groans, “I feel so attacked right now.”


	3. Now He Knows The Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn’t know how Kei would do this. Would he fold his arms, look at the girl in front of him, calm and collected? Surely, his heart wouldn’t be racing like Tadashi’s is, cold panic seeping into his bloodstream.
> 
> “I like you, Tadashi-kun. Please go out with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, all the thanks to my amazing beta/editor, [bananasloth](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bananasloth). She works so hard to keep my writing in line, haha!
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and comments. Comments give me life and I dearly love reading your feedback. Enjoy the chapter and have a wonderful week everyone!

He doesn’t know how Kei would do this. Would he fold his arms, look at the girl in front of him, calm and collected? Surely, his heart wouldn’t be racing like Tadashi’s is, cold panic seeping into his bloodstream.

“I like you, Tadashi-kun. Please go out with me?” 

“I...I’m sorry.” He bows. “I like someone else.” He can’t even find another excuse to give, like he’s too busy or having a girlfriend would take away from volleyball. _Someone else._

He can’t look her in the eye. He hears a soft, “Oh”, and sees the edges of her shoes move from his line of sight on the floor as she backs away.

“I’m sorry.”

 He feels silly for not realizing she would try to confess. He should have seen it coming from the first day of school.

 

_“Ta-da-shi-kun,” she sing-songs as she places a container on his desk and opens the top. He can see four slices of homemade-looking strawberry shortcake nestled inside._

  _“Would you like to try some? I’ve been practicing and need some taste-testers.” She taps the side of the box._

_Her friend joins them by his desk and leans over. “Didn’t you say strawberry shortcake was your favorite, Tadashi-kun?”_

_He reddens; now with Kei sitting right next to him he’s embarrassed that he had told them that. He shifts uncomfortably, but schools his face into a friendly grin, scratching his cheek. “Ahaha, well, you know…”_

_He sees Kei glance at him out of the corner of his eye. He’s squinting, and Tadashi knows he’s going to have to answer for this later today. “Can Tsukki try some too?”_

_“Of course! I brought four slices.” She’s already placing the slices on cotton-candy pink napkins._

_Tadashi accepts his piece with a nod and hands one to Kei, who looks at it blankly before setting it on his desk. The cream topping is a little lopsided and the strawberries have bled into the sponge cake, making it a soggy shade of red. Tadashi hopes it tastes better than it looks._

_Her friend takes a bite and starts to nod vigorously. “This is so good!” She looks expectantly at Tadashi, and he realizes she’s waiting for an agreement. “Yeah, it’s really good!”_

_It’s not. But he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings._

_“Hey!” She’s holding her phone out. “Let’s exchange mails!”_

_“Eh?”_

  _“Or at least add each other on LINE. In case I have a question on homework or something! I can just message you.”_

_Tadashi really can’t catch up to what’s going on. This girl is unnaturally forward and he’s having trouble saying no to her without sounding rude. He takes his phone out and exchanges info with her and her friend._

_Suddenly, Kei is pushing away from his desk. Tadashi watches with concern as he stands up. “Excuse me."_

_“Tsukki?”_

_“Bathroom.”_

_After Kei leaves, Tadashi realizes he hasn’t touched one bite of the dessert. “I don’t think he’s feeling good,” he says to the girl in way of an apology._

_“That’s okay!” She shakes her head. She takes Kei’s piece and places it back in the container, handing it to Tadashi. “At least you were able to try it!”_

 

Tadashi wanders down an empty hall and lets his book bag drop to the floor, giving himself a minute against the wall. Without thinking, he takes his phone out and deletes her contact information. He never wants this to happen to again.

 _Breathe._ He picks up his bag and walks toward the gym.

 

* * *

  

Tadashi rolls onto his back, slinging a clammy arm over his eyes. His bedroom is sticky with late summer humidity even at this early hour. He kicks down the covers that seem to be trapping every ounce of body heat possible. The fan in his room is barely doing anything except making noise.

He woke up thinking about the InterHigh matches. Except he wasn’t thinking about the games themselves. No, he was thinking about Kei.

Kei looked so good during the matches.

_He always looks good._

His unabating crush is starting to encroach onto the volleyball court. He can’t stand the way Kei looks in the moment after victory, the moment he turns around and searches out Tadashi’s gaze. His eyes are always bright, high on the thrill of a perfect block or spike, with a subtle smirk that Tadashi tells himself is only for him, no matter the amount of people around them. He wants to bite softly at that smirk and smile against it. He wants Kei’s arms wrapped around him in victory. Tadashi wants to take his hands and follow the lines of Kei’s volleyball uniform, wants to run his hands over the solid body underneath.

Tadashi can’t fight the image now. Hormones are wearing down his self-control lately; he barely needs a hint of an imaginary look, a touch, a taste, and he’s gone. He holds the thought of biting down a long neck and tasting salty, sweat-drenched skin as he checks his phone for the time. It’s 8am in the morning, about an hour and a half before his mom would even worry about forcing him to get up and start his day. He’s already hard enough to only need a few minutes.

He shifts his feet and lifts his hips off the bed, letting the pressure in his pelvis ease as he thrusts against nothing momentarily, the tight friction of his boxer briefs offering a barely there relief. His hair is plastered to one side of his face by sweat, and he swears he can feel each strand burning into his cheek. Blood rushes through his ears, loud enough to drown out the sound of the fan.

He presses himself back down into the mattress and returns to the image of kissing Kei’s neck. Tadashi slides a hand down his stomach, his muscles involuntarily contracting at the touch. God, when was the last time he had woken up this horny?

Just as he is about to reach down beneath his waistband, his bedroom door swings open and he hears a strangled, “Uhh.”

Tadashi yelps and whips his head up, meeting the gaze of an unnaturally petrified looking Kei, who is frozen in his doorway, eyes wide, mouth opening and closing as he wobbles out, “I...um.”

Tadashi does what any self-respecting, mature person would do and rolls himself into the fetal position, flopping to his side, back curling away from Kei. “Oh my god, Tsukki. I’m so sorry!”

There’s a long pause and Tadashi fears-

“Having a good morning?” Kei’s voice sounds firmer now, any embarrassment overlaid with his characteristic confidence.

“I don’t even want to answer that,” Tadashi muffles through a pillow. He twists his head around to stare woefully at Kei. “Why are you here? I thought...I thought you were hanging out with Akiteru-kun today.”

“I am. We wanted to see if you wanted to go to breakfast with us. Akiteru’s treat. But two good things in one morning might be a bit much.” Kei smirks and Tadashi groans at the jab. Kei’s hand is still clenched tight around Tadashi’s bedroom door handle, white-knuckled. He thinks that maybe Kei would rather run away.

“I want to go to breakfast.” He looks sheepish. “I need some time to shower.”

“I’m sure you do. I’ll wait downstairs.”

Kei releases his grip on the door and closes it as he retreats down the hall.

Brain catching up to what Kei has just said, Tadashi realizes Kei thinks he needs the time to finish. Tadashi flails and calls out, “Wait, Tsukki...no...That’s not…”

_Oh my god._

His phone buzzes.

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [8:10am]**
> 
> Akiteru will pick us up in 20 minutes.
> 
> Don’t take too long

 Tadashi hugs his knees to his chest.

 

* * *

 

“Hey-hey, Tadashi. Long time no see!”

“Good morning, Akiteru-kun.” Tadashi meets the mirrored reflection of Kei’s brother with a smile as he slides into the backseat of the car. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“Hope we didn’t drag you out of bed too early.”

Kei turns his head to the window. “He was already up.”

Tadashi pales and laughs nervously. “No, no. I didn’t have anything planned anyway.” He tries to shake the residual feelings of embarrassment away. “I’m always down for breakfast with you guys!”

“He’s always _up_ for breakfast,” Kei says under his breath. Tadashi throws a pleading look at him to just drop the whole thing. Tadashi doesn’t think he can bear Kei’s teasing, but suspects he is not going to let Tadashi live this down.

 

* * *

 

They sit in their favorite booth of the local family restaurant, right next to the window in the corner and directly under the air vents - it’s the coolest spot in the summer and the warmest one in the winter. Hinata dubbed it “perfect” last year when they started coming here.

Both Akiteru-kun and Kei have opted for strawberry crepes and stupidly sweet lattes with an alarming amount of whipped cream. Tadashi never fails to be amused at the level of passion Kei holds for sweet things. It’s as if his taste buds are desperately trying to balance out his outwardly salty personality.

Tadashi feels on edge. He’s hyper-aware of Kei’s presence next to him in the booth. He fights the residual waves of panic from not only being caught this morning, but also from the knowledge that he had been caught about to get off to the thought of Kei, by Kei himself. He feels a little sick, and his breakfast remains half-eaten. The coffee he’s drinking weighs heavily in his gut.

If Akiteru-kun notices anything off, he doesn’t make it known. He barrels through question after question, asking them about exams, what the team’s summer plans are, if Tadashi likes being captain, and if Kei has been behaving himself. If Tadashi has gotten a girlfriend with his captain status.

Tadashi sputters. “No, of course not. I mean...uh, a girl confessed to me a couple weeks ago. But it’s still Tsukki getting the most confessions.”

Kei lowers his fork, a strawberry balanced on the edge. “You didn’t tell me you got a confession.” He’s frowning, creases forming on his forehead.

Akiteru-kun leans in and places both elbows on the table. He whispers conspiratorially, “Keeping secrets?” His tone is teasing, but his smile is genuine. Of course, what else would a teenage guy worry about other than a girl?

Tadashi clamps his hands onto his knees. “Not secrets. It just wasn’t...I don’t know.” He trails off. “It’s not like I’m interested anyway.” _I’m not interested in anyone but your brother, I mean._

Akiteru-kun misreads his statement and nods, “Wasn’t your type, huh?”

Tadashi looks to the side, watching a waitress place food on the table across the aisle. “I guess.”

“You two are going to miss out on having high school romances if you wait too long.”

Kei picks up his fork again and scoffs. “Like you can even talk. How long has it been since you had a girlfriend?”

At this, Akiteru-kun lights up like he’s been granted heaven’s approval to share something wonderful with the world. “Actually! I do have a girlfriend.”

Kei pauses before he deadpans. “Congratulations.”

Tadashi scoots forward in the booth. “How...I mean, who?” He stumbles awkwardly. “Is she nice?”

Next to him, Kei grits his teeth and groans through them. “Oh, god. It’s Saeko-san. Isn’t it.” The thought of being related to Tanaka Ryuunosuke seems to be enough to ruin a thousand breakfasts at once.

“What? No!” Akiteru-kun looks put off. “Sae-chan and I are just drinking buddies.”

He whips his phone from pants pocket, not even taking a second before he’s thumbing into his photos. “We’ve been going out for about four months. I would have said something sooner, but I didn’t want it to...not go anywhere.” He holds up his phone and shows them a photo of himself sitting next to a happy-looking girl in a cafe.

He looks down and smiles at it fondly. Tadashi hears Kei mutter, with no real malice, “Sickening.”

Akiteru-kun is still thumbing through his photos when he adds, “Her name is Machida Miyako.”

“Did you meet her at work?” Tadashi asks him.

“No, no. Through friends. I met her because my volleyball league had a co-ed match against another team, and she was playing. She kicked my ass, actually.”

“Nevermind, I think I might like her already,” Kei quips, sticking a spoonful of whipped cream in his mouth. Tadashi grins at him.

“You guys will meet her, actually. She’ll be coming to Miyagi for Ojisan and Obaasan’s anniversary party.”

Tadashi echoes, “Anniversary party?” Maybe he had missed something.

Kei stiffens slightly next to him. He was aware of it, apparently.

Akiteru-kun pauses and glances at Kei, slipping his phone back in his pocket. “Uh...Yeah! It’s their 50th! Golden anniversary. Mom’s going crazy about planning it. It’s at the Taiksono Resort over New Years - the whole family and a bunch of their friends. Dinner party and all that.” He sits back in the booth.

“50 years. That’s such a long time...” Tadashi says with wonder.

Akiteru-kun sighs dramatically. “I hope I’ll be married that long. My wife and I can take sunset walks, shuffle down the lane in our flip flops and wide brim hats.” He gazes out the window. “Maybe I’ll even have a fanny pack.”

Tadashi snorts at the mental image.

“That’s disgusting.” Kei smirks. Akiteru-kun grabs him over the table, pulling his head down and knuckling him.

“With that attitude of yours the only one who’ll even put up with you for 50 years is Tadashi, and you’d probably have to pay him a yearly fee the last 25 years.”

“I’m a fucking delight.”

“The first seven years haven’t been too emotionally damaging.” Tadashi snickers, and bumps Kei’s knee playfully under the table. _Tsukki wouldn’t have to pay me anything to stay with him. Not even for 100 years._

 Kei bumps his knee back. Tadashi looks up, and is surprised to see a slight blush blooming across Kei’s face, who is trying his best to look perturbed. Tadashi breaks into a smile, eyes squinting closed.

 

* * *

 

Summer vacation means training camp for Karasuno, and training camp means taking the four-and-a-half-hour bus trip to Tokyo. Tadashi definitely hadn’t appreciated how much planning and effort it took to wrangle fifteen teeangers into a bus until now. Takeda-sensei is running around taking roll call, with Yachi following behind, recording bags. The first years look like they are about to pee themselves with excitement, tittering away and being impossibly loud for 5am in the morning. The second years have just enough experience with this to be less excited, and are currently huddled around one player’s PSP, calling out tips and encouragement as they try to beat what is probably a boss.

Ukai-san is talking with the second bus driver, coordinating plans and directions, and behind him, Kei is helping Kimura-chan load net bags of volleyballs into the waiting vehicles. Tadashi hopes this week won’t scare their new manager-in-training off. 

He puts down the box of practice uniforms he’s been holding and stretches, hands clasped above his head. He can’t hold back a yawn, tears spilling out the sides of his eyes. God, he’s old.

Hinata and Kageyama come jogging up to the group, seemingly from out of nowhere. Tadashi hadn’t even realized they’d left. Somehow in the span of a few minutes they became surprisingly rumpled. Kageyama’s hair is in an unnatural state of mess, laying at odd angles to his face. Tadashi wonders if they were racing each other around the grounds. Where did they even find the energy so early in the morning?

“Nice hair, King.“ Kei sets his mouth in a self-assured grin. “Letting Hinata style it for you again?”

Tadashi cocks his head at Kei, confused at the jab.

Kageyama scowls at Kei and mashes his hair down, only succeeding in making it look like an unfortunate bowl head. It looks laughably awful, and Tadashi can’t help telling Kageyama exactly that.

Yachi does a double take as she runs by, stopping mid-stride to say, “I seriously need to give you a make-over, Tobio-kun.”

Hinata squawks with laughter, poking Kageyama in the sides, until Yachi calls back, “Don’t think that doesn’t apply to you too, Shouyou!”

 

* * *

 

Kei folds into the window seat, legs too long to fit comfortably in the cramped bus, and mutters, “I’m sleeping and I will murder anyone who wakes me up.”

Tadashi grins wide at the threat and settles into the seat beside him. He doesn’t think he’ll be sleeping much - he’s too nervous. He startles when a hand brushes back his hair, tucking it behind his ear, and he feels an earbud being pushed in.

“Tsukki?”

But Kei is already leaning away, head back against the seat, with his eyes closed. Tadashi wonders why Kei wouldn’t have just brought his over-the-ear headphones, as those would have been more conducive to blocking out sounds.

In the row ahead, Kageyama and Hinata are shoving each other’s elbows, trying to get more space on the armrest. _Do they ever stop?_

The bus is surprisingly quiet as they travel out of Miyagi, sunrise just barely over the horizon. 

Tadashi wakes sometime later to a brightness behind his closed eyelids.

The bus is alive with low murmurs and the peppy sounds of PSP games being played. His face is set into the synthetic fabric covering his shoulder, glued to it by drool. He sucks in a breath as he lifts his head, neck protesting at the awkward position he’s been sleeping in.

“Ow.”

“Good morning, Captain.”

“Morning, Tsukki....” Tadashi feels a little disoriented. The earbud that had been in his ear is now dangling down between them.

He sees Takeda-sensei’s form stand up at the front of the bus. “Two hours till we arrive in Tokyo.”

Tadashi had only been asleep for two and a half hours.

He looks across the aisle to Yachi, who is tucked up against the window, furiously sketching something. Probably poster designs. He smiles and waves when she looks up. She waves her pen at him.

Kei shifts beside him and Tadashi turns back. “Did you sleep?”

“Maybe an hour. You were snoring so loud I couldn’t sleep.”

Tadashi blanches. “I was not!”

“Weren’t you?” Kei reaches over and pinches the bridge of Tadashi’s nose between his fingers. “You need to get some nasal strips.”

“Tsukki!” Tadashi squeezes his eyes shut. “Are you just teasing me?”

Kei shrugs noncommittally. “You’ll never know.”

 

* * *

 

Tadashi can hear groans as the first years begin to do flying falls around the gym. They’ve been doing laps repeatedly since 9am this morning. As it should be. Tadashi thinks of his first training camp; damn hill almost killed him.

He hears a holler from the other side of the court and sees Lev bouncing on the balls of his feet impatiently. “Are you going to serve!?”

Tadashi snaps out of his reverie, coming back to the game. Everyone is looking at him. Kei has his eyebrow raised questioningly.

“Sorry!”

He exhales and dimly hears Kei call out, “Yamaguchi, nice serve”. He tosses the ball higher than normal. He’s feeling good today, really good; something’s different, he can sense it. He runs forward and plants himself low into the ground before he springs upwards and swings his arm wide. For the first time in two and half years of practice, he connects perfectly to the ball with a massive amount of power, chasing the feeling of a perfect topspin serve.

The ball powers over the net and breaks on the court between the backline receivers, catapulting off the floor and off the court.

He hasn't been able to do a serve like that before.

He looks down at his open palm; the sensation of a truly powerful serve stings. He feels exhilarated.

Suddenly, Hinata is jumping on him, yelling in his ear. His other teammates are hooting, and even Lev, who's just as awestruck, is shouting out how cool that was. The rest of the gym has stilled, disturbed by the outburst on the far court.

“Hey! Stop messing around! Play seriously,” Ukai-san bellows over.

“Sorry!”

Tadashi catches Kei’s gaze. Kei breaks into a grin and says, “One more.”

 

* * *

 

 This is the last summer training camp Tadashi will ever participate in, which is why he finds himself agreeing to break curfew with Kei, Hinata, and Kageyama for a midnight rendezvous with a few third-year members of Nekoma and Fukurodani. Tadashi suspects that Lev and Hinata are the original instigators, though Nekoma’s captain, Inuoka, is the one who formally invites them.

Hinata is currently latched onto Kageyama’s back, trying his best not to yell while the four of them make their way through the dark hallways of the school to one of the Nekoma sleeping rooms. Hinata is, of course, failing, and Tadashi keeps trying to shush him. It may be his last camp but he still doesn’t want to risk getting lectured by Takeda-sensei, who has the uncanny ability to make you feel like you disappointed a parent.

When they get to the room, it’s already buzzing with activity. A few players are dragging futons out, and Inuoka has a copy of Volleyball Monthly open, gripped in both hands, while Lev and a couple Fukurodani players crowd over his shoulder. “Motherfucking Goshiki-san. He’s going to be a nightmare!”

Hinata leaps off Kageyama’s back and rushes over. “From Shiratorizawa!?”

“Shira-fucking-torizawa,” comes from somewhere in the room.

Hinata bellows, “We gotta crush ‘em!”

Kageyama makes an obnoxious noise through the milkbox straw he’s drinking from, and nods his head violently.

Tadashi looks up toward the ceiling and says to no one in particular, “Ah, Shiratorizawa is back on the map. I’m tired already.”

Onaga comes bounding in with a laptop and a precariously balanced stack of dvds. “I’ve got the game footage!”

Hinata whoops and hops from one foot to the other, watching as Onaga deposits the items on the floor.

“I need something to put this on.”

The futons have been spread out in a rough semi-circle. A couple of the players are already settled, tapping away at their phones. Others have notebooks and pens, prepared to take notes on the game footage they are about to watch. Tadashi wonders if he should have been more proactive about this whole thing.

Hinata and Kageyama have already claimed one of the futons, Hinata leaning into one of Kageyama’s knees and still animatedly chatting with Lev sitting next to him.

Tadashi plops down onto an open futon behind them and leans back, propping himself up with his hand. He kind of regrets not bringing a sweatshirt. Kei sits down next to him, mirroring his sitting style. Tadashi is keenly aware of their touching shoulders.

The first match they watch is Datekou vs Itachiyama from last year’s Nationals. Itachiyama had won, but only by the slightest bit.

By the middle of the third game everyone is settled in - pens are down, and occasionally Tadashi can hear casual conversations in hushed voices. Three days of intense practice have left everyone a little worn out.

Tadashi has switched to laying on his stomach, his head lolling to the side as it rests on one of his hands. He’s having trouble staying awake in the dark room. He reaches up to scratch his head where his ponytail is starting to feel tight. Tadashi pulls down on the band, letting his hair fall free, and shakes his head, unsuccessfully trying to fluff out his hair. He can still feel it sticking out in odd places, but decides to leave it. It’s not like anyone cares what his hair looks like.

He turns his attention back to the players on the screen.

“How is your hair such a mess.”

Tadashi shifts towards Kei, half turning his head, eyes still watching the game.

“It’s not that bad, Tsukki!”

There’s a pause before Tadashi hears Kei say, “It really is.”

Tadashi turns back, rolling his eyes and huffing a laugh.

A few seconds later he stiffens as he feels a hand on his neck, a delicate touch that runs up his spine. Kei spreads his fingers wide and draws his hand back, combing through Tadashi’s hair once, fluffing it out. It leaves Tadashi breathless, the nerve endings on his scalp firing like crazy.

Tadashi is already anticipating Kei’s touch leaving him, but his hand lingers, combing through his hair once more. Kei’s hand stills on his head, a barely-there pressure that makes his eyes flutter closed. Tadashi’s fingers tense, tingling with the desire to reach for Kei’s hand and press it to his head. He wants to beg him to keep going.

Tadashi feels Kei drag his fingertips down to the base of his neck, the touch slow and still feather light. He grips the futon under him and holds his breath in anticipation.

Kei curls his fingers under the neckline of his t-shirt, adjusting the tag that had flipped itself up. The back of Kei’s fingers skim along the top of Tadashi’s back before retreating, making goosebumps erupt across his shoulders and down his chest.

Tadashi slowly opens his eyes and turns his head to look up at Kei fully, but only catches him turning back to the laptop screen.

  
“It’s still a mess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hey, hey! So Tsukki's line "I'm a fucking delight" is not something I can give myself credit for. I read it once in a fic or a Tumblr post and it made me a changed person. But...I can't find the fic/post. So if anyone knows where I might have read it - it would be amazing if you could link me to it! Thanks everyone!


	4. Futures Intersect or Deviate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tadashi looks down at the tanzaku in his hand. What is his wish? He wants to win Nationals, of course, but that isn’t...he looks up at Kei, who is staring at his own blank tanzaku and frowning deeply.
> 
>  
> 
> Tadashi picks up his pen. I want the chance to stay with Tsukishima Kei forever. Tadashi gives his paper a final read-over before standing and walking to the bamboo plants to tie his wish up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again (and again and again) all the thanks to my amazing beta/editor, bananasloth. 
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and comments. Comments give me life and I dearly love reading your feedback. I've only said this in comments, so to make it official - I update once a week on Saturdays! :D

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [1:00PM]**
> 
> I’m coming over.
> 
> You’d better be decent.

   

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [1:01PM]**
> 
> That was one time!

  

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [1:05PM]**
> 
> ONE TIME 

 

* * *

 

Tadashi and Kei are two hours deep into completing their summer coursework when both their phones start buzzing frantically. Kei ignores it, grumbling about English predicates. Tadashi grabs his phone from the floor and unlocks it to check the notifications. It’s a group Line from Hinata.

> **Flying_Crow** |    | !!!!!!  
> ---|---|---  
>   |   | Let’s go to the Tanabata festival tomorrow night!  
>   |   | I want takoyaki!!!!  
>   |   | And I’m trying to convince Kageyama to wear a yukata. ( ★ω★)  
> **Setter_Spirit** |    | I don’t want to wear it!  
> **Flying_Crow** |    | We should all do it!!!  
> **TsukKei** |    | Congratulations.  
  
Tadashi looks up at Kei; he usually doesn’t respond to the group chats. 

> **Flying_Crow** |    | Congratulations on what???  
> ---|---|---  
> **TsukKei** |    | On completing your summer readings before Yamaguchi and me, obviously.  
>   |   | You wouldn’t be going to a festival if you didn’t have them done.  
  
Tadashi snickers. 

> **Flying_Crow** |    | It’s just one night!???  
> ---|---|---  
>   |   | ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡  
>   |   | Come on Stingyshima.  
>   |   | We’ll get it done. No problem.  
>   |   | Kageyama agrees.  
> **Setter_Spirit** |    | You didn’t give me a choice!  
> **Flying_Crow** |    | So you’re coming right!?  
> **TsukKei** |    | No  
>   |   | Some of us would like to get into university.  
> **Flying_Crow** |    | Yamaguchi!!!  
  
Tadashi can almost hear the whine through the phone.

He looks over at Kei, and bites his bottom lip. If he is being honest, going to a festival with everyone sounds fun. He hasn’t gone the last two summers and it is, after all, his last summer before graduation.

Kei sighs, balancing his chin in his hand. “You want to go, don’t you.”

Tadashi scratches the side of his cheek. “Well, I mean, it could be fun. I haven’t had festival food in a really long time.” He starts to babble out reasons, “And the fireworks would be fun to see. And it’s our last summer-”

“-Okay.” Tadashi clamps his mouth shut as Kei interrupts him. “I’ll go. But I’m _not_ wearing a yukata.”

Tadashi lights up and starts to nod vigorously, picking up his phone again to message Hinata.

> **YamaTuchi** |    | We’ll go!  
> ---|---|---  
>   |   | (/^▽^)/  
> **Flying_Crow** |    | YAY!!!!!  
>   |   | ╰(✧∇✧╰)  
>   |   | I knew I could count on you!!  
> **YachiH✿** |    | Everyone okay with me inviting Kimura-chan?  
> **YamaTuchi** |    | Yuss!  
> **Flying_Crow** |    | BRING HER!  
>   |   | Make her wear a yukata!!!!  
> **YachiH✿** |    | I will request NICELY that she wear one with me.  
> **Flying_Crow** |    | σ(≧ε≦ｏ)  
  
“Cool! Yachi’s bringing Kimura-chan tomorrow.” Tadashi leans back on one hand, setting his phone down.

“Ah.” Kei looks down at his papers, lightly tapping his pencil on the table top. “I don’t have to go tomorrow…”

“You really don’t want to?” Tadashi deflates a bit.

“It doesn’t matter to me.”

“I just thought, since...it’s our last summer, it would be fun if we all went.” Tadashi backtracks, “We don’t have to go if you’re worried about homework.”

“I’m not worried about the homework...” Kei trails off, almost sounding as if there’s a second admission coming. Tadashi waits, but Kei only shuffles his papers around.

“If you go I’ll take you to Chiteinomori to see the anthro exhibit,” Tadashi offers slyly. He smiles warmly at the enthused blush that spreads across Kei’s face.

Kei huffs. “You can’t just bribe me every time you want something. I think that’s called ‘abusing the system’,” he says with uncharacteristic fondness lacing his voice.

Tadashi squints one eye and launches an eraser at him, aiming for his hand. “And yet...”

 

* * *

 

When Kei and Tadashi arrive at the train station, Kageyama and Hinata are already there.

Kageyama looks even more uncomfortable than usual, stiff as a board and wrapped in a navy blue yukata, while Hinata orbits him in enthusiastic circles, talking a mile a minute about who knows what. He’s in normal clothes, and Tadashi thinks it’s better that way; even at eighteen, Hinata jumps and bounds more than walks. Tadashi can only imagine that a yukata would be the death of him.

Tadashi stops to glance at the schedule board. Kei is already ambling up to the duo; Tadashi sees Kageyama say something to Kei and barely hears Kei deadpan something that sounds a lot like “Fuck off”. Hinata is whacking Kageyama on the back with a grin when he stops and begins to wave one arm frantically at someone behind Tadashi.

“Hi!” Yachi is calling out to them, waving and smiling, pulling on the wrist of their manager-in-training. Both of them are in colorful yukata and their hair is twisted into complicated up-do’s held up with flower pins. Tadashi thinks they look really, really cute.

“Yacchan! Look! Kageyama really wore it.” Hinata’s pointing both fingers at Kageyama and grinning like a proud parent.

“You look very nice, Tobio-kun.” Yachi claps her hands together and Tadashi watches as Kageyama scowls and blushes at the same time, pulling at his bangs.

“You guys look really cute too!” Hinata yells, loud enough that a few people around them stop and look.

“Thanks! Kimura-chan and I went shopping for new hairpins yesterday.” Yachi turns to Kimura-chan and pushes her toward the center of the group. She suddenly looks like a deer in the headlights. Tadashi feels a bit sorry for her; it’s probably intimidating to be out with five third-year students, especially when four of them are boys.

“Ah, hi,” she says, bowing slightly.

“I promised her you guys would act like semi-normal human beings tonight,” Yachi teases, looking pointedly at Hinata.

“What!?”

 

* * *

 

The Tanabata festival is a mass of people. Tadashi feels like they should’ve brought ropes to keep them all together.

“Let’s grab food and meet up by that bench!” Hinata throws his hand out toward a bench by the edge of the stalls before he grabs Kageyama and starts making a beeline for the nearest food vendor.

“Did you want to get takoyaki, Yamaguchi?” Kei’s pointing to a vendor stall with a bright blue banner announcing “Sendai’s Best Squid!”.

“Yeah!” He’s about to tell Kei he’ll meet him back here when he looks over and sees both Kimura-chan and Yachi trying their best to move up to the candy apple booth. They are getting jostled by the people around them, and the vendor doesn’t seem to be noticing them. Tadashi taps Kei’s shoulder. “I’ll be right back.”

He slips around the crowd and comes up behind both girls, putting a hand out on each of their shoulders. He leans slightly over them and calls out, “Excuse me! I’d like two candy apples, please.” The vendor nods and grabs two of the apples, handing them to Tadashi. Yachi reaches out, depositing 800 yen into the vendor’s waiting hand. “Thank you!”

Tadashi shuffles the two girls out to where Kei is standing. He hands one apple to Yachi and holds the other out to to Kimura-chan, who mumbles, not quite able to look at him in the eye, “Thank you, Yamaguchi-senpai.”

Tadashi goes bright red at the honorific and awkwardly waves his hands around. “It was nothing.”

He looks toward the takoyaki stall and then back at Kei with a question on his face.

“I’ll wait here.”

As Tadashi makes his way to the stall, a child rushes past him, and he stumbles trying not to run into them, but only succeeds in falling into the last person in line. He reflexively grabs their shoulders to steady himself.

“Excuse me! I’m sorry!” Tadashi jerks his hands back. “I didn’t mean to bump into you...I tripped and then kinda just...” He stops short when the guy turns around to look at him with a slightly annoyed glare. _Oh. He’s really pretty._ He’s shorter than Tadashi, but looks old enough (and cool enough) to be in university. Tadashi blushes; he always gets nervous around cute people.

“Oh! Freckles!” Surprise has taken over the initial annoyance of the stranger’s gaze.

“What!?” Tadashi covers his nose with his hand. It’s been years since someone blatantly called him that.

“Oh, fuck! I’m sorry. That just came out.” The stranger looks at him, smiling. “It was meant to be a compliment.”

“Heh?” Wow, Tadashi was doing a really good job communicating.

“As in your freckles look nice.” He smiles even larger at Tadashi’s apparent confusion. “Saito Hayato. I’m a first year at Sendai-U.”

Tadashi lowers his hand from his face. “Ah, Yamaguchi Tadashi. I’m a third-year student at Karasuno High School.”

“High School, huh?” Saito tilts his head. “Karasuno High. That’s not in Sendai, right?”

“Ah, no. I’m just here for the festival.”

“This is my first time coming to this festival! I can’t believe how packed it is.” Saito moves forward in the line, then turns back around and reaches out, almost touching Tadashi’s forearm. “Hey! I’m with some of my classmates. You should join us tonight!”

“Oh...actually.” Tadashi feels a presence close behind him, and sees Saito look up, a strange look passing across his face momentarily. Tadashi looks back, tilting his head up, only to be met with Kei’s impassive stare. “Tsukki!?”

“I decided I wanted one.”

Saito looks between them for a second and smiles. “Well, nice to meet you, Tadashi-kun. I hope you and your friend enjoy the festival.”

“Oh. Yeah! Thank you! You as well.”

 

* * *

 

When Hinata and Kageyama return, Hinata’s arms are stuffed full, cotton candy bags under each elbow, one hand gripping a takoyaki stick, and the other holding sesame dangos. If someone could actually have hearts for eyes, Tadashi is pretty sure Hinata would be sporting them now.

“How in the hell are you going to eat all that?” Kei looks worried despite himself. He leans over to Tadashi, hand over his mouth, and whispers loudly, “It’s like watching a pygmy shrew trying to eat three times its weight in one go.”

Tadashi snorts and covers his own mouth. The mental picture of Hinata as an insatiable shrew is too much for him.

“Heh!? What’s that, TSUKISHIMA!?”

 

* * *

 

The group makes their way through the festival, the crowd thinning out a bit from the initial craziness of the food strip. Hinata has already lost miserably trying to scoop goldfish, and Kei is finding personal amusement in letting Hinata know how sad that is.

Yachi and Kimura-chan pull them all over to a mask vendor, and chaos ensues as they bicker amongst themselves about who actually looks like a tengu (Kageyama), gari-gari-kun (Hinata, just to tease him), etc. As they are arguing what Kei should be, Tadashi catches him side-eyeing the shateki game across the aisle, specifically a large (and very cute) dinosaur plushie hanging on display.

Tadashi smiles to himself; there is no way Kei would admit to wanting the plushie. He reaches out and grabs Kei’s forearm, pointing at the stall. “Let’s do that!”

Kei fumbles for a minute, eyes wide, but lets Tadashi drag him over to the stall. “It’s just kids stuff, Yamaguchi.”

Tadashi waves him off, paying the vendor and taking aim. He frowns as he misses his first two shots. _Come on._ He’s got 2,000 yen and he’s not afraid to use all of it for this. Kei tells him the game is rigged, but on his eleventh try Tadashi hits the target square in the center, knocking it off the pedestal. He requests the dinosaur plushie and turns to Kei, pushing it into his arms.

“A brontosaurus - just for you.”

“Br-brachiosaurus,” Kei stutters, and reaches to fix his glasses. “It’s a brachiosaurus.”

“Oh my god, Tsukki.” Tadashi pokes him in the side with force. “I’m just going to call it a Tsukkisaurus because it reminds me of you.”

Kei looks at him, mouth opening momentarily before he turns and heads back to the rest of the group, the plushie tucked beneath one arm.

 

* * *

 

“I wish that we win Nationals!” Hinata yells out, holding his tanzaku in his fist.

“Idiot! You aren’t supposed to say your wish out loud.”

“Gaah!” Hinata claps his hand over his mouth. “I’ll just write it differently on the sheet then!”

Tadashi looks down at the tanzaku in his hand. What is his wish? He wants to win Nationals, of course, but that isn’t...he looks up at Kei, who is staring at his own blank tanzaku and frowning deeply.

Tadashi picks up his pen. _I want the chance to stay with Tsukishima Kei forever._ Tadashi gives his paper a final read-over before standing and walking to the bamboo plants to tie his wish up.

When he turns back around, Hinata is trying to look over Kei’s shoulder. Kei lets out an annoyed “tch” and brings the side of his hand down hard on the center of Hinata’s head. “You’re annoying.”

“Stupidshima! I didn’t even see what you wrote!” Hinata pouts.

Tadashi watches Kei. What did he write? What was his wish?

A voice rings out over the loudspeakers, announcing that the fireworks display will start in ten minutes. Yachi and Kimura-chan run up and tie their tanzaku to the tree, and the group decides to make their way to the hill.

They follow the crowd, Kageyama and Hinata challenging each other to a race to see who can make it to the top first. Tadashi barely catches a glimpse of Hinata grabbing Kageyama’s hand before the two take off. Yachi and Kimura-chan are ahead of him and Kei, giggling at the maneki-neko mask Yachi has put over her face.

“This is just what I wanted.” Tadashi says, watching them.

“What?”

“All of us together.”

“All of us?” Kei glances ahead of them and then looks up to the sky. “Aren’t you supposed to have the last summer festival experience with a girlfriend? Kiss under the fireworks?”

Tadashi looks at him sharply. “A girlfriend?”

Tadashi can’t remember Kei ever bringing up girlfriends to anyone unless it was to tease them about their lack of one (mainly Tanaka-senpai). It’s just not something that comes up. “I mean, I always thought you were just supposed to make good memories with people you liked.”

He likes Kei both as a friend and as something more, so technically he’s with the person he likes the most in the world. Tadashi turns his head quickly, hoping his blush won’t show up in the darkness.

Kei hums in response; he seems listless tonight. “...With people you like.”

The silence is deafening between them, even with the din of the crowd bustling by. They are standing so close.

Tadashi licks his lips. _His wish._

Before he loses courage, Tadashi turns, placing his fingertips at Kei’s elbow, and looks him dead in the eye, saying softly, “I’m with the person I like most tonight.” Just as he lets the words escape, the loud whiz and boom of a firework going off covers the sound of his confession.

Kei frowns at him, searching his eyes as he leans closer. “What?”

Another firework follows, setting Kei’s face in harsh relief for a moment.

Tadashi breathes in - he can’t say it again. He can’t believe he was about to ruin everything like that. He lets his arm drop down to his side. Panic is rising in his chest and it feels like someone has socked him in the throat. “Nothing, Tsukki. Let’s just watch the fireworks.”

 

* * *

 

Tadashi has somehow convinced Kei to enter the first store that looked like it would offer girls’ accessories at the mall while they wait for Kageyama and Hinata. Today’s plan is to buy new volleyball shoes, but first Tadashi wants to choose a gift for Yachi.

Tadashi picks up a light blue barrette with a daisy on the end and holds it up for Kei to see. “Do you think Yachi would like this one?”

“Probably. Though I’m not up on the current trends of girls’ hair things.” Kei peers down at the row of clips. “You’re getting Yachi gifts?”

“Yeah, I’ve been feeling guilty about how much of her time we take.” Tadashi chews his bottom lip. “She does a lot for us.”

“I’m sure she’ll like any of them if they’re from you.”

“Not just from me. It’ll be from the whole team.”

Kei makes a noise of agreement, fiddling with his own jacket sleeve.

“You’re a good friend.”

Tadashi does his best not to blush and distracts himself by picking up a clip with a cute strawberry at the end of it. He reaches out, surprising Kei by clipping the barrette into Kei’s hair. Kei tries to bat his hand away, but Tadashi pushes his wrist down with one hand and snickers, “I’m so buying that for you.”

Tadashi pulls his phone out of his pocket with his free hand and snaps a photo with lightning speed; he hopes it actually turns out. Kei looks horrified. “You’re the worst,” he huffs, embarrassed, pulling the clip out and placing it back on the table.

Tadashi smiles down at the display. He thinks the strawberry one is cute, but knows that Yachi probably wouldn’t appreciate him giving her a gift that reminds him of Kei. In the end he buys both sets of barrettes, telling himself he would “find a use” for the extra set.

 

* * *

 

“You bought the same exact pair you already have!”

“They aren’t the same! They’re not!” Kageyama puts a fist on the table. “These ones have different insoles.”

Hinata reaches over the table to steal one of Kei’s untouched fries.

Kei bats his hand away. “Get your own fries.”

“You haven’t even eaten any of them!” Hinata pouts. “Stingyshima.”

Kei sits up a little taller and takes a fry, biting it. “Not. Yours.”

Hinata collapses back into the booth with a dramatic sigh. “Gimme some of yours, Kageyama,” he says, leaning into Kageyama’s space and reaching for his fries. Kageyama grumbles, but doesn’t seem too perturbed by Hinata’s blatant freeloading.

“And why couldn’t have you taken Kageyama’s fries to begin with?”

Hinata sticks out his tongue before immediately launching into a tirade about Datekou’s _enormous_ first years and how it’s unfair they always seem to find the tallest people. Kageyama joins in with information on Koganegawa’s stats and his progress the last three years.

Tadashi pushes down the slightest flare of jealousy at Koganegawa’s name. He has a mental list of other people that call Kei “Tsukki”, and luckily for Tadashi, the top two dropped out when they went to university. It’s only Koganegawa now - as far as he knows.

“I’m sure we can crush him,” Tadashi says with a little more vehemence than intended.

“Yamaguchi’s fired up!”

“Here.” Kei deposits his sleeve of fries onto Tadashi’s tray. “They’re too soggy for me now.”

“Tsukki!”

“Hey! How is that fair!?”

Tadashi reaches for a fry and watches as it flops over in his fingers. _Perfect._

 

* * *

 

Tadashi’s been pacing up and down the sidewalk outside Shimada Mart for the last five minutes. He hasn’t gone out of his way to visit Shimada-san at the store for a while since they see each other during practice against the Neighborhood Association and after official matches, but tonight, for some reason, Tadashi wants to see him.

Tadashi turns toward the store again and walks through the automatic doors before he can convince himself to go home. He sees Hiragashi-san, one of the part-timers, at the counter.

“Um, excuse me. Is Shimada-san working tonight?”

“Hey, Yamaguchi-kun. Haven’t seen you come in for a while,” Hiragashi-san says, wiping down the counter. “Yeah, he’s out breaking down boxes in the back. It’s fine if you just want to go out there.”

Tadashi thanks him and makes his way to the back of the store. He finds Shimada-san by the side of the building, breaking down cardboard with deft swipes of a boxcutter. He feels bad for interrupting him at work. “Ah, Shimada-san?”

Shimada-san straightens, looking briefly startled. “Tadashi! This is a surprise.”

“Sorry for the inconvenience, I didn’t really mean to end up here.” Tadashi grips the back of his neck and tries to pull his face into a friendly grin.

Shimada-san looks at him for a moment and says, “Give me a minute. I’ll let Hiragashi-san know I’m stepping out.”

“Oh...you don’t-” Tadashi calls out, but Shimada-san has already gone back inside the store.

Shimada-san comes out with a volleyball tucked under his arm and two cans of iced green tea. He sets the cans down on the low wall next to them and tosses the ball to Tadashi.

“Just receives,” he says as Tadashi catches it. “Still having trouble with your new power serve?”

“Yeah...I haven’t been able to replicate it consistently.”

“What does Ukai-san say?” Shimada-san sets the ball to him. Tadashi’s pretty sure Shimada-san already knows - Ukai-san and he are friends after all -, he just wants to hear it from Tadashi himself.

“He says we don’t need it. That my directed serve and the jump float are enough.” Tadashi grits his teeth.

“And what do you think?”

“I think I want to do everything I can. To be strong and to support my team. Until the end.”

“Then there’s nothing wrong with practicing.” Shimada-san stops. “But Tadashi, Ukai is right. Your other serves are enough.”

“It might be enough for everyone else, but it’s not enough for me.” He mumbles the last bit as he smacks the ball into the ground, catching it as it flies up.

Yamaguchi lets out a “tch _”_. If he wasn’t so out of sorts he would laugh at sounding so much like Kei.

The serves have been bothering him, but they aren’t what’s bothering him tonight.

“Tsukki.” He bounces the ball again, catching it with both hands and stops. “Tsukki got scouted. Kind of...he received a preliminary interest letter.”

“I see.” Shimada-san sits down on one of the crates and gestures to the empty crate next to him.

“I think I’ve always expected it to happen. But now that he needs to make a decision, I’ve realized that I haven’t been thinking about my own future.”

All this worry about his third year ending, and he hadn’t even thought about what lay beyond the closing ceremony of school. In fact, he realizes, he’s been avoiding it.

“And what do you want to do, Tadashi?”

“I don’t know.” He opens the tab on his can of tea. That’s a lie, he does know. “That’s a lie. But I don’t want to sound stupid.” He kicks at the ground with the tip of his shoe. “I want to go where Tsukki goes.”

Tadashi hangs his head. “That sounds really clingy to say out loud.”

“No one wants to leave their friends, Tadashi. I don’t think it sounds clingy - it sounds pretty normal to me,” Shimada-san says reassuringly. “I mean, I was the same way! I didn’t want to leave my friends, my teammates. You and Tsukki have been with each other for years, it’s only natural.”

Tadashi doesn’t answer. He feels like Shimada-san might not think it was so normal if he knew Tadashi was in love with Kei.

“Have you talked to Tsukki about any of this?”

“Not really. I felt like if I told him, he’d make a decision based around my feelings.”

“Hmm.” Shimada-san shifts beside him, rolling the can between his hands. “If you talk to him you might find out he wants the same thing - for you two to go to the same university.”

Tadashi’s chest tightens and he looks down at his knees. _I wish._

“You know, Yuusuke and I…” Shimada-san pauses like he’s trying to figure out how to say something difficult, but instead he grins and elbows Tadashi. “Well! I guess if you can’t figure it out, you can always work at Shimada Mart.”

Tadashi grins back at him. “And join the Neighborhood Association?”

 

 

* * *

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [11:05pm]**
> 
> Are you still awake?

 

> **Hinata Shouyou [11:05pm]**
> 
> Yeah! What’s up???

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [11:05pm]**
> 
> Can I call you?

  

> **Hinata Shouyou [11:06pm]**
> 
> Is this about Tsukishima?

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [11:06pm]**
> 
> -_-

 

 

> **Hinata Shouyou [11:06pm]**
> 
> *incoming call*

 

* * *

 

_Toss, run, jump, thwack_.

Tadashi’s arm is starting to protest, the muscle taut and overworked. _Not yet._ He adjusts the compression sleeve on his right arm, black fabric against tan skin. Kei had bought it for him a couple weeks ago, calling it an “early birthday present”.

Earlier Tadashi told the first years that he would finish clean-up since he had to fill out a couple inventory sheets for Takeda-sensei, and by some miracle he was able to convince Kei to go home without him.

The inventory sheets had taken him all of ten minutes to complete; now he is practicing his serve and trying to wrestle the million and one thoughts running through his head.

_Toss, run, jump, thwack_.

Their second-year libero is still trying to fit Nishinoya-senpai’s shoes, but Tadashi knows he’s working hard to get better for Nationals.

_Toss, run, jump, thwack_.

He will be turning eighteen in a couple months. Tadashi’s not even sure why this is stressing him out.

_Toss, run, jump, thwack_.

He thinks of the letter neatly folded on Kei’s desk and the weight of his own blank advisement sheet. Two pieces of paper defining two possible futures that would either intersect or deviate.

_Toss, run, jump, thwack_.

He grits his teeth and tosses the ball high, hitting it with as much power as his aching shoulder can handle. The ball slams onto the other side of the court. He wants more than anything to bring this serve to Nationals.

He picks up another ball from the carrier and steps up to the court line.

“I thought you weren’t supposed to use the gym key for ‘late-night shenanigans’,” a voice calls out.

Tadashi drops the ball in surprise, feeling it bounce against his foot. “Tsukki! Why aren’t you at home?”

“I was,” Kei says matter of factly, reaching to pick up the ball as it rolls toward him. “ But then I had this feeling you were up to no good.”

Tadashi doesn’t meet Kei’s eyes, turning back to the court. “I wanted to get some more practice in.”

“More than morning and afternoon practice and the practice you’ve started with Shimada-san again?” Kei is looking at him, the appraising look he uses on opposing team players. It’s not a look Tadashi likes being under.

Tadashi tosses the ball and hits it with a flat palm, letting it float over the net.

“Practice makes perfect, right?”

Kei picks up a ball from the cart and does his normal overhand serve. “To whose standard of perfection?”

“The team’s.” Tadashi glances over at him. “My own.”

“I think those are two different standards.”

“I want to do more.” Tadashi gets in position to serve, left arm extended out, ready to toss the ball for an overhand serve, but pauses. “But I don’t know sometimes - maybe you were right first year. If this is all going to end. What does it matter?”

Kei reaches out and places a hand on top of the ball to stop him from serving again and says gently, “Yamaguchi.”

Tadashi follows the line of Kei’s arm and looks up to meet his gaze. Kei is looking right at him, eyes soft around the edges.

“What more do you need than pride?”


	5. Find Courage; Break the Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Any time is the right time! You’re just avoiding it!” Hinata wraps his arms around his desk chair.
> 
> Tadashi really hates it when Hinata starts talking sense. He buries his face into the pillows, muffling a groan. “It’s not easy, Hinata!”
> 
> “Do you really think Tsukishima wouldn’t talk to you again just because you tell him you want to go to the same university?” Hinata cocks his head to the side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited by [bananasloth](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bananasloth)

“I told you to talk to Tsukishima about this before prelims! You only have a week!”

“I know, I know!” Tadashi flops face-first onto Hinata’s bed, letting himself bounce from the momentum of the fall. “I’m going to...but I haven’t found the right time.”

“Any time is the right time! You’re just avoiding it!” Hinata wraps his arms around his desk chair.

Tadashi really hates it when Hinata starts talking sense. He buries his face into the pillows, muffling a groan. “It’s not easy, Hinata!”

“Do you really think Tsukishima wouldn’t talk to you again just because you tell him you want to go to the same university?” Hinata cocks his head to the side.

“No. I don’t know. I don’t even know how to start the conversation.” Tadashi rolls to his side. “How would it even go - ‘Hi Tsukki. I want to go to university with you, and oh, by the way, I’ve loved you for like...years, daydream about you constantly, and want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Hinata makes a face at Tadashi. “Well if ya do it like that…” He trails off. “You know you don’t have to talk about both, right? Just because you talk about school doesn’t mean you have to confess at the same time.”

“I know.” Tadashi scrunches his face. “But it’s getting so hard not to. I’m afraid I’ll spill everything if we start talking about the future.” He brings an elbow up to cover his face. “I can barely keep it in when he does something cute. Like when his hair gets ruffled when he takes his pullover off.”

“Your definition of cute is really weird.”

“And yours is Kageyama,” Tadashi shoots back, flinging a pillow at Hinata.

“Kageyama is better than cute! He’s super hot.” Hinata grins and Tadashi rolls his eyes. “Plus, he’s a really good kisser.”

“Oh my god, Hinata!” Tadashi blushes and covers his face. Kageyama and Hinata being in a relationship is such a new concept to him that his brain can’t process the thought of them kissing yet. Still, he makes a mental note to ask Hinata how kissing someone actually works.

Hinata is watching him, his mouth scrunching up a bit. “You know something...you’re really really dense, Yamaguchi.”

“Hey!?” Tadashi sits up. “Why!?”

Hinata lets the legs of the chair he’d been tipped in fall back to the floor. “Well, for example. You didn’t even know about Kageyama and me before I told you over the phone a couple weeks ago. Even Tsukishima had it figured out!” Hinata points an accusatory finger.

“First of all, rude! Just so you know I deducted brownie points from you for not telling me.” Tadashi pouts.  _ They really could have told me. _

“We weren’t exactly hiding it! You were just too...gwahhh...to notice.” Hinata waves a hand in front of his eyes.

“I’m not too ‘gwahhh’!” Tadashi mimics the motion with vehemence.

“Does Tsukishima think you like girls?”

The abrupt subject change catches Tadashi off guard. “I...do like girls?”

Hinata gives a frustrated “hmph”. “Yeah, but maybe...he thinks you like specific girls or  _ a  _ specific girl.”

“Pffft, what girl!?”

Hinata looks like he wants to say something, but he backtracks with, “Whaddabout Tsukishima? Do you think he likes someone?”

“He never talks about girls, Hinata. Or anyone.” Tadashi sighs. “I don’t even think a relationship is on his radar of things to have.”

Tadashi yelps when Hinata bounds up and sits down hard on his stomach, pushing the air out of his lungs. “Hi...na..ta!”

Hinata frowns and peers down at him, flicking his forehead. “If I can tell Kageyama, you can tell Tsukishima.”

Tadashi looks up at Hinata, then off to the side. “You’re braver than me.”

“You know...Tsukish-” Tadashi catches a strange look passing over Hinata’s eyes before he grins wide and says, “You can be brave too.”

Tadashi’s mouth wobbles and Hinata laughs, springing off Tadashi and the bed. “Come on! I promised Natsu we’d play Mario Kart with her before she goes to bed.”

Tadashi heaves himself into a seated position. “I can’t wait to beat your ass.”

 

* * *

 

Tadashi watches the team from the box, muscles tense, ready to spring into action. They need to take this set to win the game, but Datekou is not making it easy. If they can just win this match, all Karasuno will have left is the final deciding game for the prefecture. Tadashi swallows down the tang of adrenaline. He wants this.

Tadashi sees Kei and Kageyama separate from an impromptu on-court huddle, giving each other a low five before they take their positions on the court. They must have figured out a new tactic. Koganegawa is side-eyeing Kageyama through the net, eyes narrowed. He definitely didn’t miss their exchange.

In some ways this game means more to Kei and Kageyama than it does to the others. Tadashi looks up into the crowd, scanning for anyone that looks like they might be a university representative.  _ Focus, Tadashi, don’t worry about it. _

A Datekou player serves, the ball zipping over the net, Karasuno receiving it cleanly. Kageyama sets the ball behind him, the Datekou blockers rushing to follow Hinata as he runs along the net. Hinata flies, arm stretched high, but the ball soars just past his reach. Tadashi sucks in a breath in anticipation as he recognizes the decoy. Kei’s hand meets the ball, spiking straight down the opposing court, just sliding by the row of blockers. Perfect play.

Tadashi can feel himself screaming “Nice kill!”, but the yells from his teammates next to him are drowning out his own voice.

Tadashi feels a gaze on him and glances toward the bench where Yachi, Takeda-sensei, and Ukai-san are seated. Ukai-san watches him before holding a finger out. He’ll be subbing Tadashi in as a pinch server after the next play. Tadashi nods back; his arms are tingling with the need to hit the ball.

 

* * *

 

He’s pretty sure he’s having an out-of-body experience. He knows he’s running out onto the court, screaming praise to his teammates, but his body feels so light and the sound is so far away. He’s sure he can hear Yachi yelling from courtside. Hinata has an arm slung around his neck, dragging Tadashi down into a violent hug before he slips away to jump on Kageyama. Tadashi works through his teammates, slapping their backs and yelling out “Good job”s and “We did it”s. He stops as he reaches Kei, dropping his arm off someone’s shoulder.

Kei’s eyes are bright, he looks out of breath still, and the mental exhaustion from trying to outsmart Datekou’s iron wall is starting to show on his face. Tadashi can tell adrenaline is the only thing keeping him going. But there’s a look on Kei’s face that Tadashi hasn’t seen before; he’s honed in to just Tadashi, gaze steady as he closes the gap between them. Kei reaches out like he’s going to put a hand on Tadashi’s shoulder, but instead catches the fabric at the juncture of Tadashi’s chest and shoulder, bunching it in his fist.

Kei is smiling, really smiling. “We won.”

Tadashi grips Kei’s forearm and breathes, “You were amazing.”

“So were you.”

 

* * *

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [12:01AM]**
> 
> Happy Birthday, Yamaguchi

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [12:01AM]**
> 
> Tsukki!
> 
> Did you stay up just to wish me Happy Birthday?
> 
> ヽ(*≧ω≦)ﾉ

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [12:04AM]**
> 
> Go to sleep

 

* * *

 

_ “Yamaguchi, have you ever had a birthday party before?” _

_ Tadashi looks at Kei from upside down on the bars. “Like with friends coming over?” Kei nods, and Tadashi hoists himself back up to a sitting position. “Never! At least not that I can remember.” He does remember his mom showing him a photo of two-year-old him, birthday hat sliding down one side of his head. There were other children in that photo, though he can’t really call that a party. _

_ Tadashi hops off the bars. “Have you had one, Ts-Tsukki?” _

_ Kei turns up his nose, adjusting his glasses. “Pfft. Like I would want to invite people from school.” _

_ Tadashi moves to sit on one of the swings. He and Kei have only been friends for a couple months and Tadashi is still figuring out the oddities of Kei’s personality, but he’s pretty sure that when Kei adjusts his glasses like that, it means he’s nervous. _

_ Kei is standing in front of the swing set looking off to the side with his hands clasped in front of him, and he looks like he’s trying to get his mouth around difficult words. “Do...do you want to have one?” _

_ Tadashi puts his feet down, stopping the swing. “What?” _

_ “A birthday party.” Kei glances shyly at Tadashi. “I mean your birthday is only a month after mine. So logically we could celebrate them both. My mom can make a cake...and stuff.” _

_ “Really!?” Tadashi beams. _

_ “You could sleep over if you want.” Kei backtracks quickly, “N-not that you have to.” _

_ Tadashi jumps off the swing set. They’ve never had a sleepover before! _

_ “Really, really!? That would be the best thing ever, Tsukki!” _

_ Kei stutters at Tadashi’s enthusiasm. “It’s...It’s not a big deal or anything.” He mumbles, “Aniki will be there. He could show us some volleyball things.” _

_ “Like ace things!?” Tadashi is so excited. He’s only heard about Kei’s older brother and the idea that he will get to meet the ace of a high school volleyball team is making him feel squishy inside. _

_ “Yeah.” Kei’s face is lit up in a proud grin that he hides by bending down to pick up his backpack. It’s getting late and they should probably get home. _

_ “Tsukki!” Tadashi hurries to follow Kei, gripping his backpack straps tightly. “As long as we’re friends, we’ll always have someone to spend birthdays with!” _

He hasn’t thought about that memory of their first birthday together in a long time. He laughs as he remembers how nervous Kei had seemed about their first sleepover as friends.

That had been one of the best birthdays of his life. They had made Akiteru-kun play volleyball with them for hours until their arms felt wobbly and every time they missed a receive, it launched them into a fit of laughter. Kei’s mom had wrapped them up in blankets and let them sit out on the balcony with the family telescope, their hands wrapped around mugs of hot chocolate.

Tadashi remembers staying up later than he ever had before, under the blankets of Kei’s bed with a stolen copy of Akiteru-kun’s Volleyball Monthly, flashlight wedged between pillows.

He picks up his phone and rereads the birthday text Kei had sent him last night, smiling to himself. It isn’t just the two of them anymore. He has friends, Kei has friends...they haven’t needed to celebrate their birthdays alone in years.

But this birthday...this birthday is the last one they may have together. Tadashi’s chest clenches and he rolls out of bed. He’s not going to think about it.

 

* * *

 

Of all the bad decisions Tadashi has ever made in his life - not going to bed early enough before a match, trying to cut his own hair last year, the truth-or-dare incident -, accompanying Kei to his suit fitting tops them all.

Kei looks...There are a lot of words running through Tadashi’s head right now for how Kei looks, and none of them are words he wants to deal with presently. Tadashi watches as the tailor pulls on the suit sleeves then moves to smooth out the fabric on Kei’s back. It’s the final fitting, and it already looks pretty fucking fitted to Tadashi. It is definitely more than a standard business suit. It’s cut to Kei perfectly, tapering in at the waist, a waistcoat showing under the suit jacket. The glossed black of the fabric highlights Kei’s complexion and blonde hair perfectly. Even his glasses look cooler like this.

Tadashi groans inwardly. The best thing- no, the worst thing are Kei’s legs. The pants hug his thighs in a way that makes Tadashi’s mouth go dry. He is fighting the urge to either bite Kei’s inner thigh or march up to Kei and pull him into a kiss by the tie.

Tadashi registers the tailor walking away, but doesn’t have the presence of mind to stop himself from full-on ogling Kei.

“Stop staring.”

Tadashi jerks back in his seat, embarrassed at being caught. He opens his mouth to offer an apology but realizes that Kei isn’t looking at him with the judgement he expected. He isn’t even looking at Tadashi - he’s frowning at his own reflection as he adjusts with his glasses, a hint of insecurity on his face.  _ Oh. He's nervous? _

"Does it look bad?" Kei’s gaze shifts to Tadashi in the mirror.

“Tsukki, you look great!” Tadashi wants him to know with every fiber of his being.

Kei peers at himself in the mirror. “I look ridiculous.”

Kei’s father comes walking in, following behind the tailor, and claps his son on the back. “My god, you look like an adult. Who gave you permission?”

Kei rolls his eyes. “I look ridiculous,” he repeats. “It’s too fancy.”

“I don’t think we’re going to convince your mother to let either of us go in anything less than the full get-up.”

“You already wear a tie every day. You’re used to this,” Kei retorts flatly, watching his father in the mirror.

“Yeah, but I still hate it.” Kei’s father smiles in a way that reminds Tadashi of Kei for a fraction of a second - half chagrined, half genuine. Kei’s father turns, gesturing to Tadashi as he says, “Even Tadashi has to wear a tie.”

“Huh?” Tadashi cocks his head, confused. “I didn’t know I was going?”

Kei’s father pauses, frowning. “Didn’t Kei invite you?” He turns to his son. “Didn’t you invite him?”

Kei offers a noncommittal sound and turns to face the tailor, who is holding out cufflinks to him.

Kei’s father turns back to Tadashi. “He was supposed to invite you.”

Kei looks beleaguered. “I don’t think Tadashi wants to go to some boring family party.”

Kei’s father opens his mouth as if he’s going to say something, but closes it as he watches his son for a moment. He looks back at Tadashi with concern in his eyes. “Excuse me, Tadashi. I didn’t mean to assume.”

Tadashi smiles reassuringly at him. “It’s okay!”

He feels the slightest twinge of hurt that Kei hadn’t even asked him, but doesn’t let himself dwell on it.

 

* * *

 

Tadashi blows air up into his bangs when they block his vision for the umpteenth time in the past hour. He needs something to keep his hair back, but he’s managed to lose every single hair tie in the bundle he’d bought, and the one at his wrist is way too stretched out to use. Tadashi sighs and walks over to his dresser, rummaging through the top drawer, trying to find something that will work. His fingers find the set of strawberry barrettes he bought months ago. Not exactly what he had in mind, but better than nothing.

He pushes his bangs back and clips the barrettes in, making sure his hair is snug.

Tadashi settles back at his bedroom table, pleased with himself for his makeshift hair hack. He hears the front door open and muffled voices greeting each other. Kei is here. He shuffles his notebooks closer, making room for Kei to add his work to the table.

He looks up and smiles brightly as he hears Kei come through the doorway. “Hi, Tsukki!”

Kei stops short of reaching the table, looking at Tadashi with an unreadable expression before he lets air out through his nose quickly. “New hairstyle?”

“Totally.” Tadashi snickers. “Desperate times. What, don’t you think it suits me?” He sticks his tongue out.

Kei sits down and begins to rummage through his bookbag, frowning. Tadashi watches with amusement as he keeps digging.

“Did you forget something?”

“Ah...er...no.”

Tadashi rolls his eyes and looks back down to his coursework. He chews on the eraser of his pencil, contemplating the correct kanji for the phrases he’s reading through. He hears the shutter sound of a camera and looks up to see Kei holding his phone up.

“Did you just take a picture of me!?”

“I needed proof.”

“Of what!?”

Kei places his phone face down on the table, opening his Japanese literature book. Tadashi realizes he’s not going to get an answer.

 

* * *

 

Tadashi shifts uncomfortably; he’s been trying to find the courage to talk about university since Kei had arrived.

“So...um.” He clears his throat. “Have you...decided about school yet?”

Kei pauses, eyes still on the book in front of him. “No.”

Tadashi laughs awkwardly. “Me neither.” The room quickly falls back into silence, and Tadashi winces at his cowardice.

He opens his mouth, needing to relieve the anxiety rushing through his system. “Yachi mentioned making advance plans for Christmas. All five of us should do something...before we can’t anymore.”

Kei hums. “Are you dying or something?”

“What!?” Tadashi laughs. “No?”

“You just keep going on and on about endings like your life is going to cease the moment we graduate.”

“No, I-“ Tadashi shakes his head. “I don’t think I’m going to die...“  _ I just think I’m going to lose you and our time together. _ “It’s just not going to be the same.”

Kei is looking at him like he’s waiting for more.

“I...maybe I’m just not ready for things to change.”

“Change?” Kei looks at him, brows furrowed.

Tadashi sets his jaw and looks at Kei. All of a sudden he really doesn’t want to talk about this. Panic is zooming through his bloodstream and he’s feeling unexpectedly frustrated; he’s not sure how to regulate the heap of emotions strangling him.

“Yes, Kei, change.” Kei’s eyes widen at the unexpected use of his first name and the speed at which Tadashi’s mood just changed.

“I…” Kei starts dumbly.

“In four months it’s all over. Karasuno. The team. Volleyball. There won’t be any more training camps or sleepovers or study sessions. It won’t be the five of us every day anymore.”  _ I won’t wake up and walk to school with you. Sit next to you. Play with you. Get meat buns with you and touch shoulders as we walk home. You’ll never offer me your gloves again to keep my hands warm.  _ He lets out a shaky breath. “I’ve really liked high school, okay?”

He doesn’t know why he’s getting so defensive. Why is it all so hard to say? Of the thousands of words he’s spoken to Kei over the years, why are these ones so hard to get out?

“Yamaguchi…”

“I’m serious. I know I sound stupid and whiny and maybe you don’t care about it like I do. But I’m going to miss it.”

Kei frowns deeply. “I’m glad you know me so well.”

Tadashi looks at him with hard eyes. “I-”

“You say you are so afraid of everything ending, but you aren’t even doing anything about it.” Kei says flatly.

“What does that even mean?”

“You know you actually have to ask Yachi out for anything to start, right?”

“What?”

“I’m not stupid, Tadashi. I know you like Yachi. You should just ask her out already, save everyone the headache of watching you. Maybe you’d be less hung up on lasts if you started something.”

“I...What? I don’t like Yachi like that!” Tadashi feels his face twist into disbelief. “Why would you even think that?”

Kei is looking at him like he’s just asked him what color the sky is. He says slowly, “Because it’s really obvious. You buy her gifts, you always want to be around her and you just...just.” He flicks his hand out.

“Tsukki, Yachi and I are friends! That’s it.” Tadashi is gripping his table with both hands, voice shaking a bit. “I don’t want to date her.”  _ I want to date you. _

“You seem pretty happy when you’re around her.”

“Of course I’m happy! She’s one of my best friends,” Tadashi huffs out. How is this happening? “I’m just as happy being around Hinata or Kageyama.” Kei is looking at him and Tadashi drops his gaze and mutters, “I would have told you if I wanted a girlfriend.”

Tadashi picks up his pencil, giving a clear sign that the conversation is over. The scratch of pencils against paper is the only sound between them for what feels like hours.

_ “Any time is the right time! You’re just avoiding it.” _

Tadashi can’t leave it like this.

“I don’t like girls,” he blurts, and he sees Kei’s hold on his pencil go slack. He needs to get this out. “I mean I do- like them. I think they’re cute and nice.” He sets his jaw and squares his shoulders a bit. “I just like boys too.”

Kei is staring at him, eyes wide. Tadashi’s stomach starts to sink in on itself. “I’m sorry if that weirds you out.” He looks off to the side.  _ You don’t have to be friends with me anymore. _

“It doesn’t- it’s fine.” Kei’s words blur together and he’s looking at Tadashi so earnestly.

“Oh...um, I’m glad.” The tightness in Tadashi’s chest releases as Kei’s words register. “And I know you enjoy high school as much as I do. It was really petty of me to say you don’t.” Tadashi breathes in. “It wasn’t fair.”

Tadashi folds his hands on his lap and continues, “And I want to talk about schools and where we are going. Because it’s important to me and I want to know what you want. And I want you to feel like you can talk to me about it if you don’t know what you want.”

Kei breathes out a little. “Okay.”

“But...but I also want you to know that I want to go to the same university as you,” Tadashi pushes. “If you are okay with that.”

Kei is looking a little stunned. Tadashi knows he’s dumping information on Kei, and this wasn’t anywhere near the way he had planned to talk about any of this, but he couldn’t stop.

“Tsukki?”

“You want to go to university with me?”

“Yes.”

“And...you don’t like Yachi.”

“No.”

Kei is still looking a little dazed, and Tadashi knows he doesn’t have to keep apologizing, but he needs to say this. “Tsukki, I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

“I usually deserve it when you end up yelling at me.” Kei seems to regain his bearings as he looks down and pulls his mouth into a half-smile.

“Not this time, Tsukki.”

They lapse into silence again, both of them fiddling with their pencils. The silence is different this time, less tense, but Tadashi still isn’t able to focus on his papers.

Kei stands suddenly. “Uh...I’m going to the bathroom.”

“Okay.” Kei walks out and Tadashi leans back on his hands, closing his eyes. He feels tired now that the adrenaline has finally stopped rushing through him.

Tadashi hears his bedroom door open and opens one eye when he senses that Kei isn’t going to sit down. Kei is standing in the middle of the room, hands clasped in front of him. Tadashi knows he’s about to ask him something important.

“Do you...Will you come to the anniversary party with me?”

Tadashi’s chest clenches and his voice comes out much more unsteady than intended. “Of course, Tsukki.”

 

* * *

 

“Do you want to sleep over tonight? We could, I don’t know,” Tadashi stammers and puts a hand on his neck before continuing, “watch movies or something.” He says it like they haven’t spent a thousand nights watching movies already.

“I don’t have any clothes or anything with me,” Kei says, but it doesn’t sound like a refusal. Why would it be? They both know that there is a stash of Kei’s clothes in the bottom of Tadashi’s closet drawers.

Tadashi plugs in his laptop and tells Kei to pick something to watch. He changes into his pajamas then walks downstairs to tell his mom good night, kissing her on the cheek and letting her know that Kei is staying over.

She smiles, turning away from her tv show, and asks him why he looks so happy.

“I don’t know.”

She laughs, reaching out to squeeze his arm, and says, “Being young must be fun.”

When he gets back to his room, Kei is already sitting in bed, pajama-clad and knees up, looking at his phone. Tadashi crawls into the space next to him and drags the laptop up to balance on his legs.

Kei shifts, the motion causing Tadashi to fall back a bit, making their shoulders overlap. Tadashi resists the knee-jerk urge to shift back. He can feel the warmth of Kei’s shoulder against his and realizes that Kei isn’t moving away either.

Something’s shifted. He doesn’t know why, but he feels giddy.

When the movie ends, Tadashi places the laptop on the ground while Kei settles down into the bed.

Tadashi scoots down the bed and imitates Kei’s best pout, whispering dramatically, “Tsuuuukki, I’m not tired.”

Kei stares at the ceiling, the hint of a smile on his face. “Me neither.” 

“Oh! I almost forgot to show you this photo I took of this really cute dog!” Tadashi grabs his phone from the bedside table. He rolls over, facing Kei on the bed, and holds the phone out.

Kei leans over to peer at the screen, squinting endearingly. “Super cute,” he teases, before reaching down and pulling the covers up high enough to almost envelop their heads. “Why is it always so cold in your house?”

“It’s not my fault you’re a natural popsicle.”

Kei huffs in response and grabs his phone to show Tadashi an interesting article he read earlier. Tadashi could spend hours like this - snickering at memes and funny posts, the backs of their hands brushing every time they turn their phone screens around, their knees bumping together whenever one of them shifts.

He thinks it’s almost like they’re kids again, giggling under the covers about dinosaurs and funny bugs, constellations and volleyball. But they’re both eighteen now and everything seems different.


	6. Small Blessings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Actually. Tsukki. About university…” Tadashi says, trying not to sound pained. “Before we become roommates, there’s something I want to talk about.”
> 
> Kei turns toward him, concern in his eyes. “What do you want to talk about?”
> 
> Tadashi shifts his weight and stuffs his hands in his pockets, turning toward Kei. He opens his mouth a few times, trying to start.
> 
> “It’s just that,” Tadashi starts, meeting Kei’s gaze briefly before flitting away. “I need to tell you something or else I’ll feel like I’m lying to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I didn't get this up late. *phew* That being said, the next chapter is more than likely going to be a couple of days late due to it's length.
> 
> Once again, all the thanks to my beta/editor, [bananasloth](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bananasloth). Seriously, guys, she whips my writing into shape EVERY week. Go check out her own amazing Tsukkiyama fic here on AO3!
> 
> *Chapter Disclaimer* Both Kei and Tadashi drink alcohol at the anniversary party in this chapter, in case that makes anyone uncomfortable. They do not get drunk and it does not effect the storyline in any way.

Between university entrance exam preparations and the longer practices in anticipation of Nationals, the weekend of the anniversary party comes faster than Tadashi was ready for.

Before he knows it, he’s already in Matshushima with Kei and his family. The resort where the party is being held is beautiful. Tadashi really shouldn’t have expected anything less with how much preparation Kei’s mother put into this party.

Tadashi flits back and forth across the suite that he, Kei, and Akiteru-kun will be sharing. “Shit, this is so nice!” The suite is a fusion of Western and Japanese styles with hardwood floors, a gigantic western style bathroom, four single beds, and a tatami area with a low table. Tadashi walks over to the wall of floor-to-ceiling windows. He opens the sliding glass door, going out onto the balcony and taking in the view of Matsushima Bay.

Inside, Kei is pulling out his suit under strict orders from his mother not to get it wrinkled or dirty. He lays it out on his bed, waiting for tonight’s party. “Yamaguchi, you should take yours out too.” Tadashi smiles; sometimes Kei is very conscientious.

“I will.” Tadashi pulls the door closed behind him. “Tsukki, did you see the view!?”

Kei looks up and finds his eyes. “It’s very nice.”

Tadashi feels a prickle of heat at the back of his neck. He’s had a strange feeling since their talk, something he can’t quite pinpoint. Maybe it’s the way he’s been noticing Kei’s gaze lingering on him longer or that Kei has been giving compliments more freely. Or the way that they seem to touch more. He shakes his head and grabs his suit to hang it up.

He settles down at the table, reaching out to grab the information booklet laying there.

“Oh, look! The onsen looks super fancy.” He skims through the pages. “Hey! We should go visit this shrine tomorrow. We can get our New Year’s fortunes.”

Kei leans over him, peering at the page that Tadashi has the booklet opened to. “No.”

“You’ve gotten out of going with me the last two years.” Tadashi waves the booklet at Kei and pouts teasingly. “Please?”

“Fine.”

 

* * *

 

Tadashi looks in the mirror, twisting from side to side. He isn’t used to seeing himself this dressed up. His suit isn’t tailored like Kei’s, but it is still a lot fancier than anything he’s had before. He runs his hands down the front of the jacket, smoothing it out - the fabric is soft and a very deep blue. The woman at the store had said blue was much better than black for his skin color, and his mom had nodded along vigorously. Tadashi had just opted to go along with whatever they chose, hoping that he wasn’t going to look like a clown.

He had been surprised by the amount of enthusiasm his mom had displayed when he had told her about the party. She had immediately called Kei’s mom, and all Tadashi knows is that it ended with his mom telling him she would take him into Sendai the next weekend to shop for a suit.

“How do I look?” Tadashi walks out of the bathroom.

Kei turns at his question, his eyes widening for a fraction of a second before he snaps his attention back to his suitcase on the bed. Tadashi hears him mumble, “Looks fine.” He takes that as a good sign that he doesn’t look  _ awful. _

Tadashi walks over and reaches for the tie resting on his bed. “Now we can both look ridiculous!”

Tadashi slings the tie over his head and starts to loop the two ends together. His fingers get caught up awkwardly and he groans. He’d youtubed this, damn it.

“You’re not doing it right,” Kei says as he steps up to Tadashi and grasps one end of the tie. “Here.” He moves closer, hands deftly knotting the tie.

Tadashi doesn’t dare look at Kei’s face. He’s sure he’s red enough as it is. “I swear, I practiced this!”

“Like once?” Kei raises an eyebrow at him as he straightens out the knot.

“At least twice!” Tadashi pokes him playfully. He feels the knot as Kei turns around. “What kind did you do?”

“Same as mine, double windsor. It doesn’t come out as easy.”

Tadashi reaches down and grabs his phone off the bed. “Selfie time!”

“No.”

“Yes, Tsukki!”

“I refuse.”

Tadashi moves in front of Kei, hand up in a peace sign as he sticks out his tongue. Kei is in the background, mouth set in disdain and eyes somewhere off to the side. Tadashi immediately sends the picture to both Hinata and Yachi with the thumbs up emoji.

 

* * *

 

Akiteru-kun comes back into the room, followed by his and Kei’s mother, who is armed with a large DSLR camera.

“Oh, my boys look so handsome!”

Tadashi wants to nod in agreement but keeps himself in check.

Kei’s mother waves a hand toward the window. “I want a picture with all of you.”

Kei groans in response, and Akiteru-kun taps him on the back of the head before pushing him toward the center of the room.

“Tadashi, you too!”

“Me!?”

“Yes!”

“Oh.” He moves to stand next to Kei.

“Kei, honey, smile,” Kei’s mom says, looking through the camera.

She snaps a few photos before she exclaims that one of them is “perfect”. “Okay, your father and I are headed down now to finish up coordinating with the caterers.” She checks the time on her phone. “You boys have an hour before you need to come down yourselves”

She starts to walk out the door before turning back to them. “A painful death awaits anyone who gets their suit dirty or wrinkled between now and then.”

 

* * *

 

Tadashi and Kei walk into the reception hall, trailing behind Akiteru-kun and his girlfriend, Miyako-san. Tadashi’s eyes widen, taking in the beautifully lit room and the long wall of floor-to-ceiling windows showing a wide view of the bay.

Tables have been laid out with crisp white tablecloths, arrayed with large, shallow vases of white roses dusted with gold shimmer - actually, everything looks like it has a touch of gold shimmer to it in this lighting.

Tadashi had known this was going to be a large party, but until this moment he hadn’t truly grasped the formality of the event. Everyone looks so fancy. Suddenly, his feelings about looking ridiculous in a suit are erased by the thought of whether he looks fancy enough or not.

Akiteru-kun and Miyako-san are immediately surrounded by a group of adults. They start chatting away excitedly, Akiteru-kun more than ready to show his girlfriend off to the family. Tadashi feels a tug at his sleeve and looks down at Kei’s hand pulling him forward through the room. “Let’s go find okaasan.” Tadashi smiles to himself; he would never make fun of Kei, but Kei’s underlying social awkwardness is cute.

They find Kei’s parents with his grandparents, greeting guests.

“Kei!” Kei’s grandfather booms loudly. “Did you get taller?”

 

* * *

 

Kei and Tadashi find their seats at a table with Akiteru-kun, Miyako-san, a girl that looks to be a couple years younger than Tadashi, who he learns is Kei’s cousin, and another girl that she brought along as a friend.

Kei’s grandfather stands up from the large table set up at the head of the room that is seating Kei’s grandparents, his parents, and his uncle and aunt. He looks down momentarily, switching on a small microphone and clearing his throat.

“I want to thank everyone for celebrating with us tonight, and especially my son and daughter for organizing this event. Everyone in this room has had a special place in Nami’s and my life. Some of you here tonight we haven’t seen in many years, and thank you for remembering us in our old age.”

Titters of “Of course!” and “Anytime!” come from the crowd.

“I know our culture struggles with such open talks of love. But I think I’m reaching an age where I can be forgiven for any amount of strangeness. Or maybe I just like embarrassing my children.” He winks at Kei’s mother, who laughs and waves her hand. “I have spent fifty years traveling the world for my research, studying and teaching in many different areas. Some would say I’ve been very adventurous. But I can tell you that the greatest adventure has been my marriage to this wonderful woman beside me.”

He opens his hand out to Kei’s grandmother, who faintly blushes at the attention. “Nami has been beside me every step of the way. She’s raised wonderful children.” He motions to Kei’s mom and her brother. “Who in turn married wonderful people.” Both Kei’s father and aunt bow slightly in recognition of his words. “And my grandchildren, whom I have seen much less than I would like, all fault to myself, are the best grandchildren I could have asked for.”

He turns his attention to the table where they are seated, Tadashi’s eyes widening as all eyes in the room turn toward them. “My hope is that you all have a chance to find happiness in both life and the partners you choose, just as I did with your grandmother.”

Kei looks embarrassed at the sudden attention, while Akiteru-kun is grinning wildly, no doubt thinking about Miyako-san. Tadashi glances at Kei, who is looking down at his lap, playing with the napkin sitting there. Tadashi could definitely spend the next fifty years with Kei.

“And now, I’ll stop embarrassing everyone before I get disowned at my own party. A toast - to friends, family, and fifty wonderful years.”

Tadashi feels a little giddy as he raises the champagne glass. Kei raises an eyebrow at him before lifting his own and clinking glasses with him, Akiteru-kun, and Miyako-san. The drink doesn’t taste like Tadashi expected, but it’s not exactly bad either. Just bubbly and surprisingly dry.

Dinner is way more than Tadashi can eat. Suimono soup, tsukemono, sashimi trays, salmon slabs - Tadashi starts to lose track of the plates as they come and are taken away at intervals. Champagne is changed out for wine for the adults, and the conversations around them grow more animated.

Their table has no problem talking the night away, and even Kei seems to be enjoying himself. He’s smiling from ear to ear, laughing with Miyako-san over stupid stories about Akiteru-kun.  _ He’s beautiful like this.  _ Tadashi looks over at the two girls, who look like they’re in their own world, sharing secrets or maybe just talking about nothing. Tadashi doesn’t feel the need to bother them.

Dessert trays are distributed, and Kei lets out a “Fuck yes!” as he eyes up the rows of sweets before them. He wastes no time laying claim to a pile of chilled warabimochi and a bowl of yuzu sorbet.

“So, you guys are going to Nationals, I hear?” Miyako-san leans in, addressing them both.

“Oh, uh, yeah.” Tadashi is flustered by the thought. “We only have a couple days before we leave for Tokyo.”

“Mind if I come watch?” She grins. “Akiteru talks about the team all the time! I feel like I’m missing out.”

“I mean, if you want to.” Tadashi blushes. “I don’t play much, but you can come to watch Tsukki.”

“Yamaguchi has the best serve on our team,” Kei says firmly. “It’s worth watching.”

“Tadashi’s serve is definitely something to see,” Akiteru-kun agrees.

“Tsukki’s blocking is way more awesome. He’s the tallest one on the team!” Tadashi tries to cover his embarrassment at the compliments. “He gets  _ super _ into it too!  _ And _ he has these sports goggles that make him look like a professional!”

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.” Tadashi grins. He’s not sorry, not one bit _._

“Don’t worry. I’m sure both of you are equally as awesome to watch,” Miyako-san says, amusement in her voice. “Akiteru says you guys are trying to get into the same university?”

“Well, I’m trying at least. I have to test in.” Tadashi nods toward Kei. “He can get in with the sports scholarship, but he’s still going to take the test.”

“I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about that anymore.” Miyako-san groans dramatically. “But, do your best! I’m sure you’ll get in.”

“I hope so! If I do then we’re going to be roommates!” Tadashi smiles, excited. He bites down the rise of anxiety after he says it. That’s what they had talked about at least, but it’s been bothering him for days that he thinks he should tell Kei about his feelings before going through with it. It wouldn’t be fair to Kei...or him.

“Oh, really?” Akiteru-kun leans against the table, smiling at Kei slyly. “You didn’t tell me that.”

Kei clears his throat and starts to say something, but is interrupted by his uncle standing to give a speech on behalf of his parents - full of life and thankfulness. Waiters come to set sake cups down by each person, and an ornate bottle of sake is set in the middle of the table. Tadashi leans forward and gazes in awe. He’s never seen a bottle of kinpaku sake up close - floating in the sake is actual gold leaf, swirling gently after being disturbed by the trip to the table.

Akiteru-kun leans over to pour each of them a cup. “You two only get one cup of this.”

 

* * *

 

As the night goes on, people move away from their tables to mingle in groups, laughing and talking animatedly. Kei’s grandparents move between tables, looking happy and carefree. Tadashi watches Kei’s grandfather gather up a red-bearded man in a huge hug and yell out something that might be German. Akiteru-kun and Miyako-san are talking with Kei’s aunt and uncle, and Kei’s cousin and her friend have already been allowed to back to their room, being too young to really enjoy an event like this for too long.

Tadashi shifts his body toward Kei, his knee pressing up against Kei’s thigh. “I’m having fun, Tsukki. This isn’t a boring party at all.”

“I guess it’s not that bad.” Kei leans back a little in his chair, eyeing up one of the waiters as they walk by. “I wonder if they would give me more sorbet?”

Tadashi laughs loudly, his eyes scrunching. “How can you still be hungry!?” He leans in, poking Kei in the stomach.

Kei narrows his eyes at him and smirks. “There’s always room for more.” Out of the corner of his eye, Tadashi can see Kei reach out quickly and slide a fingertip against the table, swiping up the gold glitter that had fallen from the table decoration.

“Tsuk-” Tadashi sputters as Kei brings his finger down on Tadashi’s nose, swiping a stripe of glitter down it. “What was that for!?”

“Unwanted opinions.”

Tadashi laughs, rolling his eyes. “You’re such a nerd.”

Suddenly, Kei is being wrangled by his brother, an arm slung over his shoulder, pulling him downward, ruffling his hair and teasing, “Okaasan wanted me to make sure you guys aren’t drinking too much.”

“Shouldn’t she be more worried about you?” Kei grimaces.

Akiteru-kun looks at Tadashi and laughs. “Nice face, Tadashi.”

Tadashi raises his hand and fumbles it across his nose, trying to wipe the gold flakes away in a rush. “Oh, yeah,” he chuckles awkwardly.

“But, actually, okaasan told me to tell you you can go back to the room if you want. The party will be wrapping up soon, most of the older guests have already left. Just say goodbye to the family before you head back.” Akiteru-kun releases his hold on Kei and straightens. “Got a room key?”

 

* * *

 

Kei unlocks the door to the suite, entering as Tadashi follows behind him, neither of them bothering to turn the lights on. The lateness of the hour is finally catching up to both of them. Tadashi stifles a yawn as he kicks out of his shoes.

Kei leans against a wall by the closet with one shoulder, trying to steady himself as he clumsily attempts to undo his tie with one hand and yawn into his other at the same time.

“Tsukki, you’re not doing it right,” Tadashi teases, repeating Kei’s earlier words to him. Kei huffs and rolls his eyes, ready to undo his tie properly. Before Tadashi realizes what he’s doing, he puts one hand on Kei’s shoulder and the other over the hand at his tie. “Let me do it,” he says softly.

Kei’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t refuse. He shifts to rest his back fully against the wall, his hands dropping to his sides.

Tadashi steps closer and slowly brings his other hand to the knot under Kei’s collar. He pulls up on the tie, freeing it from Kei’s vest. He runs the loop through and loosens it, pulling down on the end. His eyes are adjusting to the darkness, and he brings his focus to Kei’s face, lit by the light coming through the large windows behind him. Tadashi feels like he’s drowning. Kei’s hair is ruffled where Akiteru-kun messed with it, his glasses are sitting strangely on his nose, and Tadashi wants to kiss just under them, on the slope of Kei’s cheek. He pulls the tie all the way through, undoing it completely, letting both sides hang off Kei’s neck.

Tadashi drops his hands slowly and pulls his bottom lip in by his teeth, frowning. He feels like he just crossed a line somewhere and hopes Kei isn't weirded out. He looks down and realizes that Kei’s hands are hovering by his waist as if he has every intention to grip Tadashi. Instead they move up, reaching for Tadashi’s own tie.

“It’s easier when someone else does it,” Kei whispers, low, as he repeats the actions to Tadashi. Slowly, methodically. Tadashi’s heart is hammering in his chest and he almost feels like he can’t breathe. There’s a lump in the back of his throat that he wants to get out. He could tell him right now.

_ I love you. _

“Tsukki, I-” he starts, before the room door starts to unlock, and Tadashi breaks contact, jumping backward. Adrenaline and embarrassment instantly make his stomach feel like it’s in knots.

Kei has already moved away from the wall, shrugging out of his suit coat and mumbling that he’d be using the bathroom first.

 

* * *

 

When Tadashi wakes up to his alarm, he’s the only one in the room, and he curses himself that once again, Kei woke up before him. It takes a moment before everything rushes back to him, the fuzziness of sleep draining from his brain. His breathing stops for a moment as he thinks about undoing Kei’s tie. He had been so close to kissing him, so close to confessing.

He rolls off the bed and slowly starts to walk to the bathroom. It hadn’t been just him last night; Kei had...he shakes his head. He doesn’t have time to think about this. He stands by the sink, raising his hand as he looks at his reflection. A gold flake is still clinging to his eyelid. He sighs and dabs it off.

 

* * *

 

Tadashi scrunches his eyes closed, offering a quick prayer up to the gods before he opens one eye and then the other as he focuses on his o-mikuji.  _ Small blessing!  _ Definitely better than getting a curse. He quickly skims down the other categories until he finds “romantic relationships” - it reads,  _ the person you are waiting for will come. _ Tadashi blushes and sneaks a look at Kei, who is currently looking blankly at his sheet.

“Tsukki, what did you get?”

Kei sighs, his upper lip pulled up in disdain, and holds his slip out. “Small curse.”

Tadashi lets out a laugh without meaning to. “Sorry, Tsukki.” He smiles, covering his mouth. “Just - your face, you looked so appalled.”

Kei raises an eyebrow at him and stuffs his fortune into his coat pocket. “This is why I don’t go to shrines.”

“You could go buy another one!”

“I don’t think it works like that, Yamaguchi,” he says as he turns to walk toward the overlook where people have begun to gather to watch the sunset.

Tadashi comes up beside Kei, bending forward slightly and grinning. “Then my blessing will just have to cover the both of us this year.”

The sunset is just touching the horizon over the bay, and an excited din of conversations is coming from the people around them. Tadashi and Kei aren’t the only ones opting to see the first sunset of the year rather than the sunrise; it’s mostly groups of teenagers, students probably, and younger looking adults who had more than likely been out too late the night before to bother waking up early.

Out of the corner of his eye Tadashi notices a couple of high school-age girls smiling and nudging each other as they look over in their direction. He gets the uncanny feeling that they are appraising both him and Kei with interest. He looks ahead and starts to blush, still not used to receiving that kind of attention from other people. Kei seems to notice his discomfort and looks like he is about to ask what’s wrong when he catches sight of the girls and frowns, letting out a “tch”. He circles a gloved hand around Tadashi’s wrist and gently pulls him around the groups of people, heading toward the shrine entrance.

“What are we doing?”

“There were too many people,” Kei grumbles ahead of him, hand still encircling Tadashi’s wrist even though they have cleared the crowd. “I think I saw another ridge view when we were walking up here.”

They walk down the steps a ways until Kei suddenly turns off the path and heads into the wooded area to their left. The snow is a little deeper here, deep enough to leave tracks, and Tadashi wishes he had worn boots.

“My feet are cold.”

Kei huffs and lets go of Tadashi’s wrist. “We can use the hot springs when we get back.”

Tadashi gives a distracted nod, too focused on the absence of Kei’s hand around his wrist. He looks up, the bright light of the sunset falling on his face as they come through an opening in the trees.

Tadashi’s eyes go wide as he takes in the view. “Woah! This sure beats the shrine at home!”

Kei makes a small noise of agreement, and out of his peripheral vision Tadashi can see him stuff both of his hands in his pockets. Tadashi turns his head, letting himself stare at Kei for a moment. The sunset is reflecting on Kei’s face, highlighting his hair in a halo of gold and setting his profile in bright relief against the darkness of the trees around them.  _ He’s beautiful.  _ Tadashi sees Kei swallow and notices he’s gripping something in his coat pocket, probably the fortune.

“I don’t think you should worry about your fortune, Tsukki,” Tadashi says reassuringly. “I think this year is going to be great. Graduation, university, and we’ll be roommates!” He feels a small twinge of guilt at the mention of being roommates.

Kei keeps looking ahead, his face passive.

Tadashi takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself.  _ You can do this, Tadashi. _

“Actually. Tsukki. About university…” Tadashi says, trying not to sound pained. “Before we become roommates, there’s something I want to talk about.”

Kei turns toward him, concern in his eyes. “What do you want to talk about?”

Tadashi shifts his weight and stuffs his hands in his pockets, turning toward Kei. He opens his mouth a few times, trying to start.

“It’s just that,” Tadashi starts, meeting Kei’s gaze briefly before flitting away. “I need to tell you something or else I’ll feel like I’m lying to you.”

He reaches up to adjust his scarf nervously. He feels like his heart is going to come right out of his chest.

“I like you. M-more than the friend kind of like. So...I wanted you to know that before we moved in together.” Tadashi looks down at his shoes. “I’ve been feeling guilty about making plans and you not knowing.”

“Yamagu-” Kei says, his voice sounding far away, but Tadashi cuts him off before he can hear Kei’s full answer.

“I know sharing an apartment with someone who likes you might be awkward. So if you don’t want to live with me, that’s fine. It doesn’t have to change anything. We can still be friends. I promise I won’t do anything weird.”

“Yamaguchi.”

“It’s probably really presumptuous of me to hope that you might like me back.” Tadashi starts to speak faster. “I have for a long time...liked you, that is. But I had always thought you weren’t interested in anyone so I never said anything. But- But then you seemed so happy after me saying I don’t like Yachi and that I like boys. So I thought maybe-”

Kei reaches out for the lapel of Tadashi’s jacket and tugs it. “Tadashi.”

Tadashi jolts, eyes sheepishly meeting Kei’s. He feels stupid for babbling so much.

Kei lets go of Tadashi’s coat, hand hovering in the space between them, eyes wide. “You do? Like me?”

“Yes.” Tadashi blushes. Kei is silent so he continues, “More than that, really, I-I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”

Kei breathes out quickly and pauses before he says quietly, “That day we had our disagreement, when I told you to start something instead of worrying about things ending...it wasn’t fair of me because- because I knew there were things I was too scared to start myself.”

Tadashi looks up at him, watching as Kei takes a step closer.

“In fact, I’ve been trying to get the nerve to tell you for months, but it looks like you beat me to it.” Kei huffs warmly, the steam from his breath forming a tiny cloud.

“Tsukki?” Tadashi sucks in a breath. “What…”

“I’ve been in love with you too.” Kei reaches up to adjust his glasses, laughing. “I just thought for the longest time that you liked someone else. But...I don’t know why I was so worried.” Kei pauses, reaching out to play with the end of Tadashi’s scarf. “I think you’re perfect.” Kei raises his hand, letting it tentatively cup one side of Tadashi’s face, the rough fabric of his gloves catching on his skin. “So perfect, how could I not fall in love with you?”

Tadashi is having trouble getting his brain to comprehend the words that Kei has just spoken and the touch of Kei’s hand on his cheek. He’s pretty sure he’s about two seconds away from crying. There are so many questions, but the only thing he manages to breath out is, “You...love me too?”

“Tadashi,” Kei says softly, running a thumb along the slope of Tadashi’s cheek, and shifts forward, closing the space between them. “Can I kiss you?”

“P-Please.”

Kei leans in, pausing just shy of Tadashi’s lips, as if he isn’t quite sure how to continue. Tadashi tilts his chin up, letting his eyes flutter closed as his lips meet Kei’s in a gentle press. Kei’s lips are softer than he had imagined and the sensation of them on Tadashi’s is making his brain go fuzzy.

Kei breaks the kiss, dragging the tip of his nose against Tadashi’s own as he pulls away slowly. His fingertips are still resting at Tadashi’s temple, his thumb tracing the crest of Tadashi’s cheekbone. Tadashi opens his eyes, watching Kei’s lips as he leans back. He flicks his gaze up to Kei’s eyes and his chest clenches; Kei is looking at him with slight wonder, eyes wide.

He brings his hands up, grazing the front of Kei’s jacket before he fists his hands around the fabric and pulls him back in. “Again.”

This time he tilts his head, letting his lips brush against Kei’s before he presses in, firmer than last time, but still tentative. The sensation of kissing is unexpected and strange, and Tadashi loves it. Kei’s glasses are knocking against his nose and he’s not sure how to breathe, but he’ll figure that out later. Kei slides a hand to the nape of Tadashi’s neck and changes the angle of the kiss, sending sparks down Tadashi’s spine. Tadashi brings his hands around to Kei’s back, letting them rest just under his shoulder blades. Kei feels solid beneath his hands and he’s not sure he’s ever felt anything better. He parts his lips in a sigh as Kei pulls away and rests his forehead against Tadashi’s, and smiles. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”


	7. The Parts We’ll Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twenty-two days. It’s been twenty-two days since Kei and him had first kissed during New Years’, and Tadashi can count the chances they’ve had since on one hand. They’ve barely gotten a moment to themselves that didn’t involve game practice, Nationals matches, or intense study for entrance exams.
> 
> Tadashi is positive the answer to calm his nerves is to kiss him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all. The final chapter is here! Can you believe it!?
> 
> This note will get a little long, so bear with me. 
> 
> "These Words You Don't Hear" started out as a 2k one-shot of Tsukkiyama at the party. I then hashed out six more chapters, each being about only 900 words! As you can see, this story has grown much more than I originally intended it to be. This is basically the first thing I have ever written in my life (besides academically) and it has been an absolute TRIP to work on. It floors me that people have been willing to follow me through more than 30,000 words of self-satisfying Tsukkiyama needs. 
> 
> Thank you all for the hits, kudos, and comments. The first day I published I decided that 200 hits would be my goal and you have far exceeded my wildest expectations.
> 
> I especially want to thank those people that took time to comment on every chapter I wrote. I cannot tell you enough how much it meant to me every week to see how excited you got or things you thought of the new chapters. I now have a new perspective on just how important leaving a comment is for a writer's morale - even the smallest comment is enough to boost a writer's confidence. 
> 
> Secondly, I would like to thank my beta/editor [bananasloth](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bananasloth), who has worked extremely hard on this fic in the last eight weeks. When I first started working with her I hadn't an inkling of how far this fic would stretch my writing abilities or how much I would have to beat back my own self-doubt. I truly appreciate her meticulous attention to detail, her ability to pull better ideas out of me, and her willingness to go above and beyond. 
> 
> She also has a wonderful Tsukkiyama fic here on AO3, so be sure to check it out!
> 
> GENERAL- I upped the rating of this fic to E! Let me know if you feel like this is incorrect. I do have to say writing smut is HELL. LITERAL HELL. Editing your own smut is even worse hell.
> 
> If smut's not your cup of tea then please feel free to skip from "Tadashi flushes, arousal spiking at the tone in Kei’s voice." and CTRL-F to “I don’t think".
> 
> Have fun reading, everyone!

“I think you’re becoming senile in your old age, Akiteru-kun,” Tadashi teases as he moves his lance down the shogi mat they have rolled out on the suite table. “Such a shame, really.”

Tadashi hears a small laugh next to him and glances over at Kei who’s lounging against a floor chair, reading a book.

“If this is too advanced for you, Akiteru, we can always ask the front desk if they have a checkers board.” Kei looks up from his book and smirks. “Or you know, you could just not give away your king so easily.”

“Hey! You aren’t even playing!” Akiteru-kun scowls over at Kei as he hunches over the table, both hands gripping his knees as he surveys the board. “You don’t get an opinion.”

“It’s not my fault you can only have two players at a time.”

“You two used to be so cute and sweet. And nice!” Akiteru-kun pouts, moving one of his pieces in an attempt to counter Tadashi’s move. “I don’t understand what happened.”

Tadashi wants to say Kei is still all of those things, but he bites back the words as he moves to take Akiteru-kun’s king to win the game.

“And I win...”

Akiteru-kun groans dramatically, resting his forehead on the table. “Beat by a teenager.”

“The absolute horror,” Kei deadpans, eyes still on his book.

Akiteru-kun grins wide at Kei as he starts to help Tadashi gather up the game pieces. “I don’t know how you’re going to put up with living with him, Tadashi.”

Tadashi drops a handful of pieces into the storage bag, biting the inside of his cheek. “I’m sure I’ll survive somehow.”

Akiteru-kun’s phone chirps with a notification and he taps the screen, reading the text. He smiles fondly and taps out a quick response before tossing the last of his pieces into the bag. “I’m going to go say goodnight to Miyako.”

“Gross.”

Akiteru-kun reaches out and brings the side of his palm down on the top of Kei’s head. “Yeah, yeah.”

Tadashi watches as Akiteru-kun walks out of the room, suddenly feeling the tension of being alone with Kei after his confession and their kiss earlier. _We kissed._ _Twice._ Tadashi looks back down at the table and rolls up the game mat.

“Um.” He needs an excuse to escape. “I’m going to take a shower before bed.”

“Okay.” Kei doesn’t look up from his book, slowly turning a page as he crosses his legs out in front of him.

Tadashi pushes himself up and walks to the bathroom, quickly sliding the door shut behind him. He rests the back of his head on the cool wood momentarily and takes a breath. He can’t help the grin that is spreading on his face, so wide it almost hurts.

 

* * *

 

Tadashi glances at the bathroom door when he hears the sound of the sink being turned off. He shifts on the bed and hunches back over his phone screen, balancing his elbows on his knees. The movement causing stray drops of water from his still-wet hair to plop down and run along his arm, sending goosebumps down to his wrist.

Tadashi hears the bathroom door slide open and Kei softly padding across the floor. Before he can look up, a towel is being dropped on his head, flopping over his eyes.

“You shouldn’t go to bed with it wet.”

Tadashi drops his phone and reaches up, ready to dry his hair himself, but Kei places his hands on Tadashi’s head. Tadashi stills as Kei begins to gently rub the towel over his hair. He feels Kei pause and almost says something before he hears Kei shift and suddenly there are lips on his.

Tadashi sucks in a little sound of surprise. He’s never going to get used to this.

Kei pulls away, leaving the towel on Tadashi’s head.

“Tsukki!” Tadashi pulls the towel off his head. Kei is already in his bed, a blush covering his nose and an amused grin on his face as he reaches to turn off the light on his bedside table.

“Good night, Tadashi.”

_ Tadashi.  _ He wants to jump out of bed and run to Kei. Hug him around the waist and bury his face in Kei’s neck. Tell Kei all the things he’s wanted to say the last few months. The last few years.

“Good night. Kei.”

Tadashi rubs the towel over his head again, patting down the ends, before discarding it on the floor. He’ll pick it up tomorrow. He reaches over to turn his light off and scoots under the covers, snuggling down into the bed a bit. Tadashi puts a hand over his heart.  _ Still racing. _ He opens his phone, absentmindedly checking his social media before starting a text to Hinata. He wants to tell him everything that’s happened but he realizes he’s too dazed and giddy to even type the words out.

Hinata can wait till they get home.

 

* * *

 

The night before they leave for their first Nationals match Kageyama, Hinata, Kei, and Tadashi find themselves aimlessly wandering into Sakanoshita. Ukai-san sighs when he sees them, snuffing out his cigarette in the tray on the counter, and says, “You guys need to go home and go to bed.”

“It’s only 8pm!” Hinata calls out as he trips over to grab a snack, undeterred by Ukai-san’s grumpiness. “It’s way too early to go to sleep.”

“It’s called ‘resting up’.” Ukai-san flips to the next page of the  _ Shonen Jump _ issue he’s reading.

“Hinata doesn’t understand the word ‘rest’,” Kei says glibly, studying a box of athletic tape. “Among other things.”

Tadashi snickers as he hears an offended “Hey!” come from the other side of the store.

Tadashi wanders down an aisle, not looking for anything in particular. When he comes to the end he sees Kageyama standing in front of the magazines, glaring daggers at the current issue of  _ Volleyball Monthly _ before moving a baseball magazine in front of it. Tadashi smiles to himself. There is a small blurb about Kageyama as an up-and-coming university player in the current issue. Kageyama says that the interview “was the most stressful experience of his life, even worse than exams” and won’t let anyone convince him that the article is actually good. Though in reality, Tadashi knows he’s just embarrassed about how much Hinata has bragged about it, showing countless people at school how cool his “friend” is.

Tadashi starts when he feels fingertips at his lower back. He turns and finds Kei looking at him, his mouth pulled into a half smile. “Ready?”

“Yeah.” Tadashi wants to kiss him right here in the aisle. It’s an itch he’s been having every time he sees Kei.  _ Later. _

Tadashi catches sight of a small package of snacks in Kei’s hand. “Fugashi?”

“They’re for Yachi, for tomorrow on the bus.” Kei looks slightly flustered. “They’re her favorite, right?”

Tadashi pauses midstride, breaking into a huge smile. “Yeah.”

Kei blushes lightly and walks ahead of Tadashi, joining Kageyama and Hinata at the counter.

Ukai-san sets his magazine face down on the counter and reaches over to grab four protein bars from the stand next to him, sliding them over. “For tomorrow.”

Tadashi knows that they all have a lot of things they would like to say to Ukai-san, but also knows that any amount of reminiscing or thankfulness to him as a coach these last three years will be met with a wave of the hand and a scowl. The four of them have been with him the longest out of anyone that Ukai-san has coached. They were all new at one time. Tadashi smiles to himself at the thought.

Ukai-san shoos them out of the store a little while later, calling after them, “Go the hell to sleep! And no lollygagging.”

They stand outside the store for a moment, a pensive silence seeping in between them. The reality that tomorrow could be the last official game they ever play together is finally sinking in.

Hinata jumps forward and whips around, pointing at them. “Whatever happens tomorrow, we’re in this together.” He makes a fist with his hand and holds it out.

Tadashi grins, raising his own fist, and the other two follow, meeting each other in a fist bump.

“Together.”

 

* * *

 

The steady hum of the bus tires is making it hard for Tadashi to fight the sleep threatening to claim him. He lets his eyes fall closed and half considers trying to get away with resting his head on Kei’s shoulder. Tadashi starts to run through plays in his head, going from one potential scenario to another, his mouth quirked in a half-smile. Only a year and a half ago he wouldn’t have even imagined the plays he has so much confidence in now.

_ Tadashi hears Tanaka-san whoop, following the loud snap of fabric hitting something solid. Tanaka has his shirt off, swinging it around trying to hit Nishinoya-san as they yell about something excitedly. Probably girls. _

_ “Tanaka! Put your clothes on!” Ennoshita shouts from the corner as he buttons up his gakuran, though he doesn’t look as angry as he sounds. _

_ Tadashi turns away from the chaos, starting to pull his shirt off and pausing for a moment as he frowns. He’s thinking through something he’s seen in their practice match against Datekou - their flawless serve and block combo. What if he and Kei could do that? He would need to work on his control...  _

_ “Kinoshita-san.” Tadashi turns to look at Kinoshita-san, who is leaning against the shelves on the far wall next to Narita-san. _

_ Kinoshita-san’s eyes widen in a question as he looks up from his PSP. “What's up?” _

_ “Tomorrow. Will you start teaching me how to aim my serves?” _

_ “Oh, uh, sure, Yamaguchi-kun.” Kinoshita-san cocks his head to the side. “I can try at least.” _

_ “Thanks!” _

_ Tadashi turns back, pulling his t-shirt all the way off. He catches Kei looking at him with a silent question on his face as he buttons up his uniform shirt. _

_ “Kageyama and Hinata can’t be the only unbeatable duo on this team.” _

* * *

 

 

It all happens in slow motion, the slow fall of the ball after a botched block. Even the sound of it hitting the court seems to elongate itself in Tadashi’s ears. Then suddenly the ball is flying off the court and the opposing crowd is screaming, enveloping the gym in deafening cheers. 

_ We lost. _

Tadashi has never in his eighteen years felt a heaviness like the instantaneous weight of losing his last high school volleyball game. Hinata and Kageyama are still facing the net, their bodies fixed in position, shoulders tense as if the rally hadn’t ended yet. Tadashi doesn’t want to look at them when they turn around. He slides his eyes over to the bench and instantly regrets it.

Yachi is slowly standing up, tears in her eyes. Ukai-san and Takeda-sensei are as still as statues, mouths open in stunned expressions.

Tadashi brings his gaze back to the court, straightening himself as he watches the other team pile onto each other, hooting and shouting in victory and congratulations. Kei’s fists are clenched by his sides. Hinata is starting to turn his head to look back at Kageyama, and Tadashi can already see the thousand apologies running off of him. Kageyama sticks a hand out, palming the back of Hinata’s head, keeping him from fully turning around. Kageyama murmurs something, his shoulder relaxing as he looks straight ahead. Tadashi doesn’t need to hear him to know what he’s saying.  _ It’s not your fault. _

Tadashi reaches out and claps one of their second-year players on the shoulder. Otsuka-kun turns to him, his brows furrowed in distress. Tadashi etches on a stiff smile and says, “It’s okay.”

He hears a whistle blow, signalling the line-up.

He doesn’t hate the other team; he can’t let himself. How many teams had Karasuno beaten to get to this point, left them heavy with the same sense of loss - this team might even lose in the next round. He shakes the hands of the coach and the captain, not hearing the words they offer him.

As he walks back to the team bench, cameramen push past him, ready to capture the celebrations and interviews of the other team.

_ Maybe I could have gotten to that ball. _

“Go thank the crowd,” Takeda-sensei says after giving the team a brief round of encouraging words.

Tadashi turns around stiffly, willing his feet to walk to the serve line. He feels a hand on his shoulder; it squeezes hard. Tadashi snaps his head around to look and sees Kageyama looking straight ahead, his mouth pulled into a wobbly line.

Tadashi whips his head back to the front, unable to say anything and praying that he can hold back the tears that are threatening to explode out of him. He feels a presence stepping into his space on the other side - shoulder to shoulder, a solid pressure.

Kei shifts, putting his hand on Tadashi’s back, and gently pushes forward. 

_ We may have lost but I spent the last moments playing on the same court as you. _

Tadashi inhales quickly before stepping forward and shouting to the crowd, “Thank you for taking care of us!”

 

* * *

 

Twenty-two days. It’s been twenty-two days since Kei and him had first kissed during New Years’, and Tadashi can count the chances they’ve had since then on one hand. They’ve barely gotten a moment to themselves that didn’t involve game practice, Nationals matches, or intense study for entrance exams.

Tadashi hasn’t quite wrapped his brain around the fact that any of it had actually happened. He’s almost shy around Kei now, nervous that’s he’s staring too much or standing too close, and all of a sudden he can’t remember how to act around him. How close had they stood before? Had their hands always touched whenever they walked through the hallways? Had the hairs on the back of his neck always stood up when Kei was close enough to catch a scent of his shampoo? Tadashi feels like every single person in school can see right through him, even if Hinata tries to assure him that no one would be able to tell that anything’s different.

Tadashi is positive the answer to calm his nerves is to kiss Kei again.

He looks over at Kei, hands gripping his desk chair. Kei is leaning forward, his chin resting in his hand, looking out the window. As if he sensed Tadashi’s gaze on him, he turns his head slowly and raises an eyebrow when he finds Tadashi staring.

Tadashi flushes, a small smile tugging at his face. He’s feeling brave, and a little bit mischievous, so he holds the stare until Kei himself blushes and turns back to looking out the window.

Three more hours.

 

* * *

 

Somehow Tadashi makes it through the rest of the day, counting each minute of class until they’re finally let go. He survives the walk home from school, barely registering much more than the urge to reach out and intertwine his fingers with Kei’s. He vaguely remembers eating dinner with Kei’s parents, talking about university plans, apartment possibilities, and small stories from his week. The one thing he does remember clearly is Kei’s knee gently bumping against his every so often.

Tadashi turns the bathroom sink off, placing his toothbrush back in the slot that’s been designated as his for years.

He walks back into Kei’s bedroom, his eyes adjusting to the darkness of the room that’s lit only with the glow of the laptop screen that Kei must have set up while Tadashi was in the bathroom. Kei is standing with his back to the door, pulling a t-shirt over his head. Tadashi lets his eyes linger on Kei’s back for a moment before he pulls the door closed behind him.

“I haven’t picked anything to watch yet.” Kei slips his glasses back on, his hair slightly ruffled in the way Tadashi loves. “You can choose someth-”

Tadashi launches into him, arms going around Kei’s waist. He buries his face in Kei’s shoulder. “I don’t want to watch anything.”

Kei relaxes into Tadashi’s hold, reaching up to run strands of Tadashi’s loose hair through his fingers. Tadashi can’t get over how good it feels to have Kei against him, his body warm and solid. He can feel Kei’s heart beating frantically in time with his own.

Kei stills, lowering his hands from Tadashi’s hair to pull at Tadashi’s arms, and steps back. Tadashi watches as Kei opens his mouth to say something then closes it, his brows furrowing with effort as he grips Tadashi’s arms more firmly.

“Kei?” Tadashi can hear the nervousness in his voice.

Kei softens his grip on Tadashi’s arms, looking down in between them.

“There’s all...there’s all these words you don’t hear. Things that I say in my head when I see you.” Kei looks down at his hands. “It’s hard to say them out loud.”

“You can say anything.” Tadashi moves his hand to touch Kei’s arm reassuringly.

Kei is looking at him with a troubled expression, like he’s still unsure of what he’ll be able to say.

“I won’t laugh at you.” Tadashi would never laugh at Kei for something like this. “Tell me everything.”

“I don’t know where to start.”

“I can start.” Tadashi leans forward, placing a kiss on the side of Kei’s mouth, and pulls away. “I think you're beautiful.”

Kei’s eyes slide to his. “I t-think you’re beautiful too.”

“And so amazing. You’re the most amazing...the best…you. To me.” He stutters.  _ Oh. _ For everything Tadashi thought he had to say, he realizes that maybe he can’t get the words out either. “When I think about you, I want- I just…”

“I know.”

Tadashi steps forward, moving his hands to Kei’s waist, his fingertips finding a strip of skin between Kei’s t-shirt and his pants. He momentarily plays with the idea of running his fingers under the shirt, but instead brushes his fingertips over the fabric and up Kei’s sides.

The kisses Kei gives him are deeper, wetter than the ones they've had before. There's a need behind them that Tadashi is aching to fulfill.

He runs his tongue over Kei’s bottom lip, making Kei’s breathing shallow in a way that makes Tadashi burn.

This is all so new. It’s only been a few weeks. There’s so many things he wants to do, so many things he’s imagined them doing, and he simultaneously wants to do them all and do nothing more than stand here, holding Kei and kissing him.

Kei circles Tadashi’s wrists with his hands, tugging him along as he walks back and sits on the edge of the bed. Tadashi follows the pull, coming to stand just between Kei’s legs, looking down at him. Kei looks up and Tadashi’s heart stops. Kei is looking at him with adoration, complete trust, like he doesn’t know what Tadashi is going to do next but he doesn’t care because Tadashi can do no wrong.

Tadashi pulls Kei’s glasses off and sets them on the edge of his nightstand. When he turns back, he places his hands on either side of Kei’s head, carding his fingers over short hair and tilting Kei’s head back.  _ He’s perfect.  _ Tadashi moves a hand down, following the line of Kei’s jaw. He stops, running the pad of his thumb over Kei’s soft, still wet lips.

Kei grips Tadashi’s waist, pushing him away gently and scooting backward on the bed. Tadashi drops his hands and follows him. As Kei leans his back against the wall, Tadashi settles one knee to Kei’s right and moves his other one to straddle Kei’s legs, sitting just above his knees.

Tadashi places a hand on Kei’s shoulder, steadying himself. “Is this okay?”

Kei nods, cupping Tadashi’s cheek and bringing him down for another kiss.

Tadashi runs his tongue over Kei’s bottom lip again and Kei parts his lips with a soft sigh. Tadashi is keenly aware that he has no fucking idea what he’s doing, but it’s also not stressing him out as much as he thought it might. All he knows is that the slide of their tongues together is making his chest constrict. Kei’s hands come to his waist, pressing into his lower back, pulling him in closer. Tadashi lets out a small noise of surprise and smiles into the kiss.

Kei slides his lips to the juncture of his ear and neck, kissing softly. He moves down Tadashi’s neck, up and under his jawline as he runs his fingertips in patterns on Tadashi’s lower back and up his sides. Something sparks inside of Tadashi, static-like electricity erupting through his chest and into his core.  _ I really like that. _

“I really like that.” He’s panting lightly, his voice coming out weak and breathy.

“What part?”

“Everything.” Tadashi swallows. “You kissing my neck.”

Kei drops his hands down to the tops of Tadashi's thighs, flattening his palms out to run a path from the juncture of Tadashi's hips to his knees. Tadashi stifles a groan as Kei switches sides, following the same pattern from his ear to his throat and down his neck. This time Kei lets his tongue glide along with his lips, sucking gentle kisses into the dip of Tadashi’s collarbone.

Tadashi lets out a small noise of satisfaction and fists the soft fabric of Kei’s t-shirt.

“I like that,” Kei says into Tadashi’s shoulder, his hair tickling the side of Tadashi’s cheek.

Tadashi hums a question, still caught in the sensation of Kei’s mouth roaming on his skin. 

“I like hearing you.”

Tadashi wraps his arms around Kei’s neck, kissing him hot and heavy. He moves to get a better angle, shifting forward and sliding along Kei’s lap. This time he doesn't stifle the sound that escapes him.

He feels Kei jolt underneath him, the back of his head hitting the wall, hips stuttering up to meet his.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t me-”

“I don’t mind.” Tadashi breathes and says in a barely audible whisper, “It’s not like I haven’t thought about it before.”

“Me too.” Kei is gripping his hips, thumbs pressing into the bone, almost an invitation.

Tadashi stills, thinking about Kei’s parents just down the stairs and weighs what they could get away with right now. “After we move in together. Will you tell me what you think about?”

“Wouldn’t it be better if I showed you?” Kei looks embarrassed for a moment, like he can’t believe the words he just uttered.

“I’ll look forward to it,” Tadashi murmurs as he drags Kei into a kiss again.  _ I really will. _

 

* * *

 

Tadashi wakes to an ache in his shoulder. Sleepily, he tries to shuffle in an attempt to ease the stiffness, but there’s something heavy limiting his movement. He slowly opens one eye.

_ Kei _ .

For the first time in his life, he has woken up before Kei. There’s a mass of ruffled blonde hair tucked into Tadashi’s chest, right under his shoulder. Kei’s left arm is draped over Tadashi’s waist, his legs kicked behind him. Tadashi eyes his phone on the beside table and wonders if he could get away with taking a picture - wonders if he could look at anything besides the picture if he took it.

He stretches his arm out, just shy of reaching it when Kei yawns and moves back, looking up at Tadashi and squinting. “You’re awake.”

“Good morning.” Tadashi smiles, his arm retreating from the table to tuck a wayward curl of hair behind Kei’s ear. Tadashi’s never seen Kei right as he woke up before. His t-shirt is stretched out at the neck, his hair is a mess, pushed up on the side that was resting on Tadashi, his cheeks are a little puffier than normal, and without his glasses his eyes look large and open, though still sleep heavy.  _ I definitely need to start waking up earlier. _

“You’re so cute.”

Kei blinks slowly at him for a moment before breaking into a small smile and pushing up to prop himself on one elbow. He leans forward, placing a kiss on the tip of Tadashi’s nose.

 

* * *

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [5:00PM]**
> 
> I’m not babysitting these two any longer

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [5:04PM]**
> 
> Soon!
> 
> I’m almost done :D

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [5:04PM]**
> 
> Hinata kissed him in front of me
> 
> Yamaguchi. My eyes

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [5:08PM]**
> 
> Guess we’ll just have to one up them
> 
> (づ￣ ³￣)づ

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [5:08PM]**
> 
> No

 

* * *

 

“Tadashi! Don’t forget your lunch!”

Tadashi leans backward, his mother’s yell stopping him in his tracks just as he’s going through the front door. “Ah! Thanks, okaasan!”

“I think too much of your brain power went to studying the last few months.” His mother hands Tadashi his bento and then puts her hands on her hips. “You’ve turned into an airhead.”

Tadashi waves her off with a smile and tells her he’ll be fine after tomorrow. Tomorrow. His graduation ceremony.

He walks slowly, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets, puffing out clouds of steam and trying to make circles. It’s a short walk to the corner where he meets Kei. It’s funny - looking back, he doesn’t remember any of these walks by himself. What he’s thought or seen the countless number of times he’s walked this stretch alone.

What he does remember is... _ The part I do remember- _

Tadashi sees Kei catch sight of him, sliding his headphones off and pushing himself off the wall he’s been waiting at.

“Good morning, Tsukki!” Tadashi calls out as he quickens his pace.

“Morning.” Kei quirks his mouth in a half smile, his cheeks and the tip of his nose flushed pink from the chill, his glasses slightly fogging around the sides.

_ Every single hello. _

Kei falls into pace with Tadashi, both of them walking slower than normal.

“Today really is the last day,” Kei says mellowly.

“All this time and I never did figure out how you always got to the corner before me.”

Kei laughs, eyes crinkling around the corners. “Luck, I guess.”

_ Every laugh. _

“You know...” Tadashi pauses. “This has always been my favorite part of the day.”

“Mine too.” Kei huffs, mildly embarrassed.

Tadashi doesn’t respond, just buries his face into his scarf with a soft smile. He veers closer to Kei, close enough that he bumps his shoulder. He takes a hand out of his pocket and lets it fall in between them as they walk. He feels gloved fingers slide against his, and for a moment Kei intertwines his fingers with Tadashi’s, pulling away after a gentle squeeze.

_ I remember every moment I’ve spent with you. _

 

* * *

 

Around him students are clinging to each other, crying and making promises to stay in touch. Tadashi looks for a way out of the crowd, scooting around parents trying to take pictures of their children and friends. He’s just returned his keys to Takeda-sensei. They both did their best not to get emotional but the prickle at the back of his eyelids is still threatening to become something more. Tadashi takes a breath, pinching the bridge of his nose.

He catches sight of some familiar blonde hair that’s held back by a light blue barrette with a daisy at the end. Yachi’s at least half a meter higher than usual, her head bobbing above the crowd - she must have somehow convinced Kei to give her a piggyback ride. Tadashi breaks into a wide smile, running toward them.

“I found him!” Yachi taps Kei’s head as she catches sight of Tadashi.

Kei turns, pausing to let Tadashi catch up to them. “All done?”

“Yeah, I just-”

“Oi!”

“Oi!” They stop, turning in the direction of the yells, and see Hinata barrelling toward them, Kageyama close on his heels.

Tadashi grins at Kei. “Gym?”

Kei grins back, nodding his head. He hikes Yachi up higher up on his back, making to sprint to the gym. Yachi laughs and shrieks out, “Tsukishima-kun, no!”

 

* * *

 

The gym always looks so empty with no net up, just an expanse of glossed wood floors stretching out in front them. Sunlight is coming in through the windows, and it looks happier than it has any right to. There’s a hundred things to say and nothing to say.

Yachi comes back to them, holding a volleyball in her hands. “Here.” She holds it out to Hinata.

Hinata looks at the volleyball. His mouth wobbles threateningly and he whispers, “Yacchan.” He brings his hands up and grips both sides of the ball, shooting a determined look to Kageyama behind him.

“Give me a toss, Kageyama!”

Hinata throws the ball up, letting Kageyama move under it to set as he begins to gather into a running jump. Tadashi watches as the ball meets Hinata’s hand and smacks down into the floor in a familiar thwack.

Suddenly he’s being pulled sideways. Kei has grabbed his hand, upending his balance so he has to hop a bit to steady himself. Kei puts his hands on both sides of Tadashi’s face and without warning, kisses him deeply. Tadashi drops his hands to his sides and focuses on breathing through his nose.

The chatter of the other students sounds distant behind the closed doors of the gym, and the familiar scents of Kei and the gym itself are all around him.

Tadashi registers a whoop from Hinata and clapping from Yachi.

He pulls back, a bit breathless and slightly embarrassed. “Kei.”

Kei murmurs, “There. The last kiss you will ever get as high school student.”

 

* * *

 

Tadashi is elbow deep in a box of clothing, trying to find his favorite sweatshirt. “Where the hell…?”

He eyes the stack of boxes pushed against the wall and sighs. He should’ve just put it in his duffle bag, not packed it up. Well, he can live without it for now. Fatigue from the day is setting in, and the idea of fishing through countless boxes sounds too difficult.

“Can’t find it?”

“Nope.” Tadashi pushes himself up to stand and stretches to the side, his hands on his hips.

“You can just wear one of mine,” Kei says, coming to stand behind him.

Tadashi turns and looks at Kei guiltily. “I’m pretty sure that one used to be one of yours.”

Kei quirks an eyebrow at him, looking like he has every intention to tease him about stealing his clothes. Before Kei can get the words out, Tadashi kisses him quickly, eyes open, and laughs. “Don’t judge me.”

“I won’t if you kiss me again.”

The tone of Kei’s voice makes Tadashi trip up a bit, his heart starting to beat faster.

He steps closer to Kei, gently placing his hands on Kei’s waist and slowly pushing them around to Kei’s back. Open palmed, he drags his hands up and settles right under Kei’s shoulder blades.

Isn’t this what they’ve both been waiting for? Being alone in their own apartment, just the two of them?

He turns his head into Kei’s neck and softly, as if Kei would shatter if Tadashi pressed too hard, he kisses into the dip of Kei’s collarbone through his shirt. He places another kiss higher, trailing up until he reaches the corner of Kei’s mouth.

Kei tilts his head and catches Tadashi’s lips with his own, humming into the kiss.

Kei’s hands finally move too - he settles one on Tadashi’s hip as the other circles the band holding Tadashi’s hair back and pulls, letting his hair fall free. He cards his fingers through the loose strands before moving to grip the hair by the base of Tadashi’s neck.  _ That feels so good. _ Kei pulls, tilting Tadashi’s head, and Tadashi lets out a small whine as their kiss deepens. Kei pauses for a moment, his lips skimming Tadashi’s before he sucks on his bottom lip.

This, making out, is something they’ve had time to get a acquainted with in the last three months, something Tadashi feels confident with. But now, now that they are in this apartment alone, it doesn’t have to be hurried, half-alert to the movement of parents, noises stifled behind bitten lips.

Suddenly, Tadashi wants a whole lot more of this. He follows down the line of Kei’s spine with his fingertips and back up again before bringing his hands back around to Kei’s stomach, caressing the space just above Kei’s waistband.

Kei’s breath hitches, and Tadashi can feel his muscles flex under his fingers.  _ I want more. _ Tadashi moves his fingers down lower, inching them under Kei’s t-shirt before splaying both palms over Kei’s sides and pushing up, dragging the t-shirt along with them. Kei raises his arms, bending them to help Tadashi pull the shirt completely off, and Tadashi lets it drop to the floor behind them, uncaring of where it ends up.

Tadashi follows with his own shirt and Kei immediately dips in, nipping at his shoulders, his collarbone, behind his ear. He slides his hands down Tadashi’s back and stops just above the dip of Tadashi’s tailbone.  _ Keep going _ . It’s a little bit maddening, how much Tadashi wants Kei’s hands on him. Tadashi reaches back, putting his hands over Kei’s to slide them down further, a clear invitation, and Kei kneads his fingers against him.

He wants to ask Kei what he likes, but how would he answer? How would Tadashi answer if Kei asked him?

“Didn’t you say you were going to tell me what you thought about?”

“No.” Kei’s voice is low. “I said I was going to show you.”

Tadashi flushes, arousal spiking at the tone in Kei’s voice. “Oh.”

He finds himself being pulled over to the corner, watching as Kei haphazardly unfolds his futon on the floor, pillows and blankets left in a heap to the side. Tadashi can’t help a little huff as Kei frowns down at his work and bends to tug a wrinkle out of a corner.  _ Always so conscientious.  _

Tadashi reaches out and catches the fabric of Kei’s sweatpants, tugging lightly. “Off?”

Kei looks back at him and swallows before giving a small nod and moving to slip out of his pants. Tadashi’s mouth goes dry at the sight of Kei standing in front of him, half-hard in his boxers. 

Tadashi follows, kicking his sweatpants to the side, trying not to trip out of them. Maybe someday he’ll learn how to do that a little more seductively. He steps past Kei, catching his wrist and pulling him along as he lays down on the futon. Kei wobbles for a moment before following him, settling himself between Tadashi’s legs. 

Tadashi watches in a daze, propped up on his elbows as Kei grips his hips, thumbs pressing into his hipbones. Kei leans down to kiss his stomach, open mouthed and slow, and Tadashi absently wonders if he minds the sweat that’s building on Tadashi’s skin. He jerks as Kei bites the soft flesh under his navel. 

“Oh my god.” _ Okay, that was good. _

Kei looks up, a question in his eyes. “Was that okay?”

“No. I mean, yes! Yes. It was more than okay,” Tadashi says quickly, trying to assure him. “It was good.” He blushes as his voice squeaks a bit. He really didn’t want to be awkward.

Kei sits up and moves his hands to Tadashi’s boxers. “Can I?”

Tadashi nods his head, fully aware that if he tried to speak it would come out as indecipherable noise.  _ You can do anything you want, Kei. _

Tadashi moves to lay fully down, raising his hips to help Kei pull his boxers off. He hears Kei huff lightly and flushes at the reaction. Tadashi tries to fight off his embarrassment.  _ It’s Kei. It’s just Kei. _

Tadashi groans as Kei moves in to kiss his inner thigh, running his fingertips down to Tadashi’s knees.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, Tadashi,” Kei murmurs into his skin. Tadashi props himself up on his elbows again, catching Kei’s eyes as he looks down. He bites his lower lip as Kei moves to grasp him. Tadashi sucks in a quick breath at the first downward pull of Kei’s hand, his lungs suddenly feeling devoid of air. Kei leans further in, steadying himself with a hand splayed out against Tadashi’s hipbone as he brings his mouth closer.

Tadashi almost doesn’t register the first touch of Kei’s tongue; he’s too focused on the actual image of Kei’s mouth on him. He lets out a low whine, sensation finally catching up with the image, and Tadashi is instantly lost in the feeling of heat.

“Kei...Kei.” He lets his head drop back.

Kei slides his mouth up to the head, letting his tongue dip into the slit and swirl against the underside, before flattening his tongue and taking him in, making Tadashi’s hips jerk so he pushes himself further into Kei’s mouth. “I-I’m sorry. Didn’t...mean.”

Kei hums a response and a shock of pleasure fizzles from the head of Tadashi’s dick down to his core. He’s feeling soft and tense at the same time, like he could melt into the futon beneath him, but his stomach is taut and his thighs are straining with the energy it’s taking him not to come right here with Kei mouth around him. He’s panting and he knows he’s being loud, but he’s doing a pretty good job not crying out.

Tadashi can feel the muscles in his stomach contracting he’s so close. He feels Kei moan around him and he risks looking down at Kei, almost scrunching his eyes shut against the image he sees.

“S-stop. Wait.” He places a hand on Kei’s shoulder, pushing at him gently. “You too, Kei.”

Kei pulls off, his eyes glassy, and Tadashi feels his stomach clench at the sight of Kei’s lips, red and slick with spit. That’s something he’ll probably be thinking about for days. Tadashi grips Kei’s upper arms and tugs forward. “Come here.”

Kei moves up and settles by his side. Tadashi rolls to his side to face him, burying his head in Kei’s shoulder as he hooks a leg around Kei’s knees and rocks forward in an attempt to get closer.

Tadashi can’t stop himself from letting out a low moan at the feeling of how hard Kei is against him. 

_ I want to feel him. _

Tadashi lightly presses his forehead against Kei’s, rocking back into him again. Kei is looking down between them, watching as Tadashi reaches down to touch him, his breathing shorting out.

Tadashi has just barely encircled his hand around Kei, pulling the foreskin down, when Kei’s stomach contracts and he whines. It’s the most erotic sound Tadashi’s ever heard and it instantly makes him feel light-headed.

“I’m not…ah,” Kei gasps, his eyes scrunching closed. “Tada-I’m not- Not going to...last.”

“I don’t care. It’s okay.” It really is. They have countless times ahead of them.

“Kiss me. Please-” Kei is caressing Tadashi’s cheek, running his thumb along the bone.

Tadashi bumps his nose against Kei’s in a sloppy attempt to bring their mouths together as Kei’s hand moves to cover Tadashi’s, gripping around him and dragging their hands up and down his length. Tadashi can feel strands of his hair sticking to Kei’s forehead, the feeling of it spurring on a new kind of heat over Tadashi’s cheeks.

Kei lets out panting gasps and little whines, too far gone to fully kiss Tadashi back. Warm liquid splashes onto Tadashi’s hand and stomach, and Tadashi pumps Kei through his orgasm, pulling back to watch Kei’s face as it goes slack with pleasure. His glasses are askew on his nose, his lips are swollen and red, and  _ holy fuck, he’s so hot _ …

Tadashi finds himself rutting into Kei without realizing it, moments away from his own release. It’s all he can focus on, the sensation of heat radiating from his core, the hot touch of Kei’s skin on his, Kei being next to him, the smell of him.

Tadashi’s balls tighten as Kei’s thumb swipes over the underside of his head unexpectedly. 

“Tadashi, I love you,” Kei whispers against Tadashi’s cheek, the words feeling hot against his skin.

“K-Kei.” He hears blood rushing through his ears, and he squeezes his eyes closed against the intense pleasure coursing through him. Kei nips at his jaw and twists his wrist in a way that has Tadashi crying out, coming hard as his vision goes white. 

Tadashi’s arms feel like jelly as he tries to move them. They’re both breathing heavy, and Tadashi can feel sweat beading between his shoulder blades and the backs of Kei’s knees where his leg is still pressed against him.

“I don’t think you’re going to need that sweatshirt anymore.”

Tadashi pulls back to look at Kei and laughs, his eyes scrunching as he smiles. He dips in again, peppering Kei’s cheeks and nose with light, quick kisses.

Kei is laughing as he twists away, trying and failing to escape. “Tadashi!”

“Problem?” Tadashi smiles as he continues, egged on by the blush on Kei’s cheeks and the small laughs that he’s trying to hold back. Suddenly Kei’s arm is around him, pulling him in and trapping him against Kei’s chest as he rolls Tadashi onto his back. “Tsuuukki!”

“Problem?” Kei teases back as he kisses the tip of Tadashi’s nose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys! I love you all.
> 
> I will be posting a few deleted scenes and head cannons on my Tumblr. Anything related to my fic I will have tagged as #TWYDH.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to yell at me about Haikyuu!! feel free to message me up on Tumblr at https://www.tumblr.com/blog/goesdoki-doki. I will scream with you.


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